100 Funniest Reader’s Digest Jokes of All Time
To celebrate more than 70 years as Canada’s most trusted brand, we’ve rounded up the funniest Reader’s Diges jokes ever. These witticisms—sent to us by our readers—are as funny today as when they first appeared in the pages of our magazine!
1. What’s the oddest thing that happens with a hypochondriac support group?
Members call in sick, but they all show up for the meeting. Submitted by Wendy Davis
2. My mother asked me to hand out invitations to my brother’s surprise party. That’s when I realized he was her favourite twin. Submitted by Terry Sangster
3. A hobo knocks on the door of the St. George and the Dragon Inn. The landlady answers. “Could you give a poor man something to eat?” asks the hobo.
“No!” yells the woman, slamming the door in his face.
A few minutes later, the hobo knocks again. “Now what do you want?” the woman asks.
“Could I have a few words with George?” Submitted by David Miteff
4. An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she begins, “would you say you’re honest?”
“Honest?” replies the lawyer. “Let me tell you something about honesty: My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.
“Impressive,” says the banker. “And what sort of case was that?”
“My father sued me for the money.” Submitted by Dee Hudson
5. A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.
“My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee.”
“I know,” says the second dog owner.
“How do you know?”
“My dog told me.” Submitted by Sourabh Bhatia
6. A man with a huge grin approaches a priest.
“Bless me father, for I have sinned,” he says. “I’ve spent the week with seven beautiful women.”
“Do not fret, my son,” says the priest. “All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and drink the juice.”
“Will that cleanse my sin from me?”
“No, but it’ll wipe that stupid smile off your face.” Submitted by Edward F. Castellanos
7. I was driving when I first saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for speeding, even though I knew I wasn’t. Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly. But again the camera flashed. Thinking this was pretty funny, I drove past even slower three more times, laughing as the camera snapped away each time I drove by at a snail’s pace. Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seatbelt. Submitted by Adam J. Smargon
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8. When do cows go to sleep?
When it’s pasture bedtime. Submitted by Hoss Alfred
9. After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious.
“You’re running around with another woman—admit it!” she demanded.
“What other woman?” Adam shot back. “You’re it!”
That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awoken by Eve poking him in the chest.
“What are you doing?”
“Counting your ribs.” Submitted by William Halliday
10. “What does the word ‘contemplate’ mean?” the college student asked his English professor.
“Think about it,” the professor answered.
“Ugh!” the student groaned. “Can’t you just tell me?” Submitted by Dana Thayer
11. A man is on trial for armed robbery. The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clear his throat and announces, “Not guilty.”
The defendant leaps to his feet. “Awesome!” he shouts. “Does that mean I get to keep the money?” Submitted by Lawrence Adelson
12. Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls of his bar stool and lies motionless on the floor.
“One thing about Fred,” his buddy says to the bartender. “He knows when to stop.” Submitted by Ken Zavislik
13. The manager of a jewellery store nabs a shoplifter trying to steal a necklace. “Listen,” the crook says, “you don’t want any trouble, and neither do I. What do you say I just buy the necklace and we forget this ever happened?”
The manager agrees and writes up a sales slip.
“You know,” says the crook, “this is more than I wanted to spend. Got anything less expensive?” Submitted by Rosemary Covert
14. Snake 1: Are we poisonous?
Snake 2: I don’t know. Why?
Snake 1: I just bit my lip. Submitted by Faith Lackey
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15. Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: Breathe! Breathe! Submitted by Paul Lewis
16. “I think my goldfish has seizures,” a man tells the veterinarian.
“He seems fine now,” says the vet.
“Now, sure. But wait till I take him out of the bowl.” Submitted by Nancy Send
17. An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.
“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.
“Here, boy,” he replies. Submitted by Denise Stewart
18. Q: You’re riding a horse at full speed. You’re being chased by a lion and there’s a giraffe in the way in front of you. How will you escape this highly dangerous situation?
A: Get off the carousel. Submitted by Stephanie Finlayson
19. A woman walked up to an elderly man rocking in a chair on his porch.
“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?”
“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise.”
“That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?”
“Thirty-six.” Submitted by Melissa Steginus
20. The other day I was thinking, “I must be the most unobservant person in the world.” Then I thought, “Well, maybe other people are equally unobservant and I just haven’t noticed before.” Submitted by D. Norris
21. I love that TV show with all the different video clips of things going disastrously wrong. What’s it called? Oh yes—the news. Submitted by Max Cooper
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22. A man tells his doctor, “Help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…” Submitted by Christine Schrum
23. After a husband and wife have a heated argument, the wife calls her mother. “He fought with me again! I’m coming over to live with you.”
To which her mother replies, “No, no, darling. He must pay for his mistake. I’m coming to live with you.” Submitted by Joan Vercueil
24. A couple of cockroaches are munching on the contents of a garbage can in a deserted alley. “Have you popped into that new coffee shop across the street yet?” asks one. “The floors are so shiny you can see your antennae in them. The walls are so clean you can’t run up them. The air is so fresh it smells like flowers.”
“Stop!” cries the second cockroach. “Please, not while I’m eating.” Submitted by Shirleen Slabber
25. I got an A on my very first university English paper. While the professor was impressed with my work, she said she had deducted a few marks for a spelling error. After several readings, I couldn’t find my mistake. Preparing to challenge the prof, I stood up and stopped flipping through my assignment. There, on the front cover, was a red circle around my misspelled name. Submitted by Lucinda Rajaselvan
26. The police are called to an apartment and find a woman standing over a lifeless man, holding a bent and twisted five-iron. The detective asks, “Is that your husband?”
“Yes,” replies the woman.
“Did you hit him with the golf club?”
“Yes, I did,” sobs the woman.
“How many times did you hit him?” asks the detective.
“I don’t know,” she replies. “Five, six, maybe seven times. Oh look, just put me down for five.” Submitted by Kerrie Pont
27. The prosecutor was relentless as he badgered the witness:
“What did the accused do when he learned the jewellery was stolen?”
“He did what any honest man would do,” said the witness.
“And what was that?”
“It’s just as I thought—you don’t know.” Submitted by Gene Newman
28. Jim was invited to Buckingham Palace. He wasn’t familiar with royal etiquette, so he decided to simply follow the Queen’s lead and hope for the best. When tea was served, the Queen removed her cup from her saucer. Jim nervously mimicked her. She poured some milk into the saucer and Jim did likewise. When she put the saucer on the floor, he was surprised. Then she called, “Here, kitty…” Submitted by Khalid Khan
29. Q: How many college students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but he waits until the last minute to cram it in. Submitted by Greg Madden
30. A husband texts his wife on a frosty winter morning:
His wife texts back, “Pour lukewarm water over it.”
Five minutes later he replies: “Computer completely messed up now.” Submitted by Catherine Hiscox
31. When a daydreaming taxi driver accidentally drove past his destination, his passenger gently tapped him on the shoulder from the back seat.
Startled, the driver went through a red light and almost hit a bus before he pulled over. As he tried to catch his breath, the passenger said, “I’m sorry I gave you a jolt—it was my fault.”
“No, it was mine,” the driver said. “This is my first day driving a cab. For the past 25 years, I drove a hearse.” Submitted by Janeth Murphy
32. Recently, a man walked into my barbershop and asked how much for a haircut.
“Eight dollars,” I answered.
“And for a shave?”
“All right,” he said, settling into the barber chair. “Shave my head.” Submitted by Abdulmajeed Mamudu
33. Two criminals are taking a walk deep in the woods one dark night.
“Boy, it sure is creepy out here,” says the first outlaw.
“How do you think I feel?” asks his companion. “I have to walk back alone.” Submitted by Harry Klein
34. A distraught senior citizen dialed her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” said the doctor.
There was a moment of silence before the woman replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is, because this prescription is marked ‘No Refills.’” Submitted by Roy Warner
35. An elderly gentleman walked into an upscale cocktail lounge. Well-dressed, with a flower pinned to his lapel, he cut a suave figure. Seated at the bar was a fine-looking lady of a certain age. The gentleman walked over, sat beside her, ordered a drink, then turned to her to ask, “Tell me, good-looking, do I come here often?” Submitted by Bill Warren
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36. A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit…
“Why are you doing that?” asked the keeper.
“The sign says it’s okay,” replied the visitor.
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Yes, it does. It says, ‘Do not feed. $10 fine.’” Submitted by John Langley
37. One night, while we were out for supper at a Mediterranean restaurant, my sister-in-law had a question about one of the appetizers. When the server showed up to take our order, she asked, “Where do you get your mussels?”
The young waitress blushed, looked sheepishly at her biceps and quietly answered, “Cross-training?” Submitted by Dan Grabke
38. Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious.
“What are you complaining about?” he fires back. “You still haven’t used the present I gave you last year.” Submitted by L.B. Weinstein
39. Late one evening, Norm’s doorbell rang. When he answered the door, he found a six-foot-tall cockroach standing in front of him. The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off.
The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined. “Ah, yes,” the doctor said when Norm explained what had happened to him. “There’s a nasty bug going around.” Submitted by D.G.
40. The burial service for the elderly woman climaxed with a massive clap of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder.
“Well,” said her husband to the shaken pastor when all the commotion ending, “she’s there.” Submitted by Norm Schmitz
41. One friend complains to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asks the other friend.
“I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.” Submitted by Mary Buoye
42. Walking along the beach, a man finds a bottle. He rubs it and instantly, a genie appears.
“I’ll grant you three wishes,” the genie says. “There’s just one condition. I’m a lawyer’s genie, so for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the same thing, only double.”
After thinking a moment, the man says, “For my first wish, I would
like $10 million.”
“Lawyers will get $20 million,” the genie reminds him.
“What else do you want?”
“I’d love to have a red Porsche,” he says. Instantly, the car appears on the beach.
“What’s your last wish?”
“Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.” Submitted by Robert L. Jaffee
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43. I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween…
Now he won’t come when I call him. Submitted by Reid Faylor
44. Growing up with a curious younger brother and a sharp-eared dad led to some memorable conversations as a teenager. One afternoon, I decided to clean a purse of mine by throwing it into the washing machine—spring cleaning and all that.
“Why are you washing it?” my brother asked, perplexed.
“From the next room over, my dad yelled, “She’s money laundering!” Submitted by Shinae Hartley
45. A farmer sees a chicken strutting across a rural highway. He shouts to her, “Hey, why are you crossing the road?”
The chicken replies, “To change the light bulb in the henhouse.”
“Can you change it by yourself, or will you need help? In other words, how many chicken does it take to change a light bulb?”
Says the chicken, “Sorry, but that’s the subject of another joke.” Submitted by Gary Johnston
46. While cleaning out the garage, I found an old protest sign that read, “DISARM TODAY!”
On the other side, it said, “DAT ARM TOMORROW.” Submitted by Jim Vandermaas
47. You know, people don’t usually compliment me on my driving, so I was very pleased this morning when I saw a note on my car that said, “Parking fine.” That was very nice of them! Submitted by Isaac Sargent
48. I was staying in a hotel where the towels were so thick that I could hardly close my suitcase. Submitted by Adam J. Smargon
49. While going through his deceased father’s things, a man found a 25-year-old claim stub for a shoe repair. Curious, he went to the store and handed the ticket to the owner, who headed to the back of the store before reappearing.
“Good news,” he said. “I found them. They’ll be ready next Friday.” Submitted by Ronald Moore
50. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
Cookie sheets. Submitted by Timothy Manganaro
51. A Dubliner proposes to his girlfriend on St. Patrick’s Day and gives her a ring with a synthetic diamond.
“You cheap bum!” she yells. “This isn’t even real.”
“I know,” he says. “But in honour of Saint Patrick, I thought I’d buy you a sham-rock.” Anonymous
52. A stranger enters a store and spots a sign: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor.
“Is that the dog we’re supposed to be aware of?” he asks the owner.
“That’s him,” comes the reply.
“He doesn’t look at all dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?”
“Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.” Submitted by L.B. Weinstein
53. I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween. He bit himself. Submitted by Christina Melton
54. I wouldn’t want to fly Virgin. Who’d want to fly an airline that doesn’t go all the way? Submitted by Adam J. Smargon
55. Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank? After they were caught, they finished each other’s sentences. Submitted by Janet Winkler
56. A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot. The plane takes off and the parrot orders a Glenlivet, neat. The businessman asks for a Coke. After a few minutes, the bird yells, “Where’s my scotch? Give me my scotch!” The flight attendant rushes over with their drinks.
Later, they order an other round. Again, the bird gives the crew grief for being slow and the businessman joins in, “Yeah, the service stinks!”
Just then, the flight attendant grabs the pair, opens the hatch and throws them out of the plane. As they hurtle towards the ground, the parrot says to the terrified man, “Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings.” Anonymous
57. My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
I take that as a compliment. Submitted by D.T.
58. A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. “And how are the American students, Donald?” she asked.
“They’re so noisy,” he complained. “One neighbour endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night.”
“How do you put up with it?”
“I just ignore them and play my bagpipes.” Submitted by Marilyn Adkins
59. Sarah, the self-appointed arbiter of the town’s morals, stuck her nose into everyone’s business. She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbour George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon.
“George, everyone who sees it there will know what you’re doing,” she told him in front of their church group.
George ignored her and walked away. Later that evening, he parked his pickup in front of Sarah’s house and left it there all night. Submitted by Chuck Welch
60. Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
“What’s that big brass gong for?” asked the friend.
“It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,” the drunk replied.
“A talking clock? How’s it work?”
“Watch,” said the drunk. He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “Hey, you jerk! It’s three in the morning!” Anonymous
61. Fortune tellers are so easy to buy clothes for—they’re all mediums. Submitted by Fred Meckley
62. A man is recovering from a minor surgery when a nurse comes in to check on him.
“How are you feeling?” she asks.
“I’m okay,” he says, “but I didn’t like the four-letter word the doctor used during surgery.”
“What did he say?” the nurse asks.
“Oops.” Submitted by Robert Rea
63. Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out.
“Want to grab a drink?” he asks the centipede, but there’s no answer from the box.
A few minutes later, he asks again—still no reply. Finally, he hollers, “Hey! Do you want to get a drink?”
“I heard you the first time!” says a small, irritated voice. “I’m putting on my shoes!” Anonymous
64. I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.
I’ll tell you what—never again. Submitted by Tim Vine
65. Q: What do you call twin police officers?
A: Copies. Submitted by Tyler Meason
66. The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens.
“How did you do it?” he asked.
“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she explained. “You were looking for a piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.” Anonymous
67. A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. “What are you?” asks the cat.
“A gnome,” comes the reply. “I steal food from humans. I kill their plants and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you?”
The cat replies, “Um, I’m a gnome.” Submitted by Blake Kiltoff
68. What is my relationship deal breaker? Being broken up with. Submitted by Jennifer Estlin
69. Moved by the church service, the richest man in town stood up and addressed the congregation. “I remember the day I earned my first dollar,” he said.
“That night I went to a church meeting and the speaker told us about his humanitarian work. I had only that single dollar, and I had to make a decision: Give it to his worthy cause or keep it. So I gave him all the money I had. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a millionaire today.”
As he sat down, a woman shouted, “I dare you to do it again.” Submitted by Debra Miteff
70. A job applicant was asked, “What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?”
“Well,” he began, “my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality—telling what’s real from what’s not.”
“Okay,” said the interviewer. “And what about your strengths?”
“I’m Batman.” Anonymous
71. Do you ever just lie on the ground and look up at the stars…
After security tackles you on the red carpet? Submitted by Ryan George
72. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Submitted by Robert Gallagher
73. I was at a Canadian Tire, chatting with the young woman at the till.
“You haven’t been here a while, haven’t you?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “That’s my twin sister. She’s been here six months. I started a couple of weeks ago.”
“Really?” I said. “Well, if they liked having one of you, they must be even happier now.”
“Actually,” she replied, “the manager was telling my sister that she was such a good worker that he wished he could clone her. So she brought me in the next day, took me to the manager and said, ‘Okay, here you go!’” Submitted by Andy Fielding
74. I was skyping with my three-year-old grandson when he suddenly announced, “You can come out of the computer now, Grandma!” Submitted by June Pearson
75. I was driving my three-year-old granddaughter, Nevaeh, to daycare one morning after a heavy snowfall. I said to her, “Everything is so so white Grandma doesn’t even know where the road is.” She innocently replied, “Grandma, it’s under the snow.” Submitted by Bonnie Gronning
76. There is a lot of competition for parking at the local dental office, hence the sign: “Dental office parking only. Violators will be extracted.” Submitted by Helen McNair
77. My father-in-law, Paul, lives on a farm near Wynyard, Sask. Years back, a group of hunters from the United States came up to shoot some birds. During their visit, they noticed a flatbed of manure nearby. One turned to my father and said, “Do y’all put manure on your strawberries?” My dad smiled, then responded, “I don’t know how you do things where you come from, but up here we put sugar and cream on our berries.” Submitted by Stacey Hebert
78. I was out walking with my daughters one evening…
When, suddenly, my two-year-old looked up and asked, “Who folded the moon?” Submitted by Julianna Waldner
79. A friend and I were enjoying a coffee in our local haunt when an acquaintance stopped at our table and said, “Hi, Ken. Can I join you?”
“Why, am I falling apart?” I replied. Submitted by Ken MacKay
80. Green beans are the most Zen of all the vegetables because they’ve found their inner peas. Submitted by Andre Batista
81. After working late one evening, I stopped at the drive-through on my way home. I approached the speaker and placed my order: a Big Mac, large fries and a chocolate shake.
The person on the other side of the intercom replied, “Pardon me?” so I repeated myself.
Then they responded, confused, “Excuse me, ma’am, but you’re at Tim Hortons.” Submitted by Wendy Singedonk
82. Young children have a unique superpower: place a toddler in a queen-sized bed and they will find a sleeping position that ensures no one else can fit in there with them. Submitted by Rita Hickey
83. A little boy was sitting beside me in the hospital waiting room. He looked at all the rings on my fingers, then exclaimed, “You must have had a lot of husbands!” Submitted by Esther Dawson
84. Me: I brought some books for us to read.
Four-year-old boy I babysit: *suspicious*
Me: *Lays out books*
Four-year-old: Well, this is disappointing. Submitted by Chelsea Larson
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85. The anti-aging ad that I’d like to see…
Is a baby covered in cream, saying, “Ah! I’ve used too much!” Submitted by Andrew Bird
86. I was mugged twice last year. The odds of getting mugged once are 1 in 50. The odds of getting mugged twice are 1 in 2,500. The odds that I got mugged twice last year because I look like the kind of guy that would calculate those odds? One in 1. Submitted by Dan Upham
87. A friend who had just turned 50, and couldn’t quite deal with that fact, was wearing a T-shirt that said, “I’m not 50! I’m 49.95.”
When my nine-year-old son, Simon, saw the T-shirt, he asked, “Yes, but how much with tax?” Submitted by Gilles St-Laurent
88. I have always been a disappointment. When I was five years old, I looked down at the crayons I was colouring with and sighed: When I was two, this was not what I saw myself doing at five. Submitted by Eric Lyden
89. I went to the butcher’s the other day and bet him $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf. “No,” he responded. “The steaks are too high.” Submitted by Tommy Cooper
90. As an assisted-living caregiver, I have a 92-year-old client, Margaret, with whom I bake cookies. During one visit, we were both busy with this task when the phone rang. Since Margaret was gone several minutes, she felt the need to explain her absence to me: “My friend and I aren’t able to spend much time together anymore because she is more decapitated than I am.” Submitted by Vicki Alum
91. At a job review, my boss told me this year the company would compensate for inflation but that additional raises would be considered on a case-by-case basis. I took that as my cue to outline my expanded role, and listed my actions and achievements.
“So, as you can see,” I said, “I’m doing a lot more than inflating at my desk.”
I got the raise. Submitted by Joni Krats
92. Working in a library, one of the tasks we have to do twice a week is call patrons about their overdue items. One day I had to call someone about a late book entitled Don’t Forget: Easy Exercises for a Better Memory. Submitted by Joyce Tenhage
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93. My parents sent me to school in Switzerland
There they taught me how to be neutral. Submitted by Craig Sharf
94. The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back. Submitted by Franklin P. Jones
95. One day my two children, 17-year-old Matt and 11-year-old Mitch, were having an argument. I listened in and overheard Mitch say to Matt, “Even if you were an only child, you still wouldn’t be Mom and Dad’s favourite.” Submitted by Denise Horn
96. While working the beverage cart at the local golf course, a customer asked me if I could go back to the previous green to see if she had left her sandwich there. I had spent some time looking for a sandwich on the grass, when a golfer asked me if someone had lost a sand wedge. Submitted by C.A. Tomac
97. Grown-up Crayon Colours
• New Flat-Panel Television Pitch
• Turn-Signal Vermilion
• Credit-Card Magnetic-Strip Coal
• Netflix-Envelope Scarlet
• Cubicle Ecru
• Unraked-Leaves Sienna
• Energy-Efficient Fluorescent-Bulb Quartz
• Blue-Screen-of-Death Cobalt. Submitted by Casey Johnston
98. One day, when it was raining heavily, my boss asked me to water the plants outside the office.
I looked at him, puzzled, and said, “But, sir, it’s raining!” He replied, “Then take an umbrella and water the plants.” Submitted by Nilesh Patel
99. At the local hospital’s emergency room, the nurse joked, as she fitted me with an ID wristband, “You’ve been bar-coded!”
I, being 72, added, “Long past the best-before date.” Submitted by Colin Campbell
100. English is not my mother’s first language, so it is always interesting to see what comes up in her emails.
One day, as we were discussing computers and the amazing things they can do, she inadvertently typed a pun: “What techknowledgy!” Submitted by Esther Jones
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