15 History Jokes Only History Buffs Will Understand
Updated: Feb. 23, 2021Test your history chops with these hilarious history jokes.
Roman rules
A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please!”
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An executive order
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting. —Ronald Reagan
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Dark humour
Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
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Spring fling
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.
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Marx’s drink of choice
Why did Karl Marx dislike Early Grey tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
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French fighters
A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on warfare. The librarian replies, “You’ll only lose it.”
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A royal response
What did Richard III say when a planning proposal was submitted for building parking lot?
“Over my dead body.”
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A presidential quip
In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. —President John Adams
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Washington’s habits
Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
Because he couldn’t lie.
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A General Lee good student
What yearbook superlative was Robert E. Lee given at graduation?
Most likely to secede.
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Some things never change
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions. —Elayne Boosler, comedian
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Corsican roots
Teacher: Can you describe for me Napoleon’s origin?
Student: ‘Course I can!
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The fall of Troy
I believe in reincarnation because I know I was the Trojan guard who saw the horse and was like, “Wow, it’s stunning! Open the gates! Let that big horse in!” —Julio Torres, comedian
Here are more short jokes anyone can remember!
