52 New Year’s Jokes That Will Have You Laughing into 2024
Updated: Mar. 26, 2024
Goodbye, 2023. Hello, 2024! Kick off the year with a laugh (or two) by telling these hilarious New Year's jokes.
We’re rounding the corner into 2024, and everyone is more than ready to usher in the new year. Some people are celebrating by throwing a New Year’s Eve party (complete with some super fun games), whereas others are watching New Year’s Eve movies while waiting for the ball to drop.
No matter what you do, though, there’s always room for New Year’s humor. And lucky for us, there are plenty of New Year’s jokes! So kick off 2024 with some laughs by telling these hilarious puns and one-liners all the way to midnight.
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The funniest New Year’s jokes and puns
1. What is a New Year’s resolution?
Something that goes in one year and out the other.
2. What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve?
Chill out.
3. Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
4. What do New Year’s Day parades have in common with Santa Claus?
No one is awake to see either of them.
5. My grandparents had resolutions like donating more time and money to charities. I’ve decided to make my own coffee once a week.
6. Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve?
To ring in the New Year.
7. My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolution.
8. What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
Pop!
9. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
Moo Year’s Eve.
10. Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve?
Waiting for the punch line.
11. What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
Hogs and kisses.
12. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Loving these New Year’s jokes? Feel free to use them as funny New Year’s captions on Instagram.
13. What did the ghost say on Jan. 1?
Happy Boo Year!
14. What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?
Social security.
15. What’s a digital camera’s New Year’s resolution?
1080p.
16. This New Year’s, I’m going to make a resolution I can keep: no dieting all year long.
17. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby New Year!
18. Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?
Times Square.
19. Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the New Year in a cool way.
20. What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve?
I haven’t seen you for a year!
21. This New Year’s, I’ve resolved to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me.
22. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
He got 12 months!
23. What is corn’s favorite holiday?
New Ears Day!
24. What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
The New Year’s Eve cleanup crew.
25. What did Adam say to Eve on Dec. 31?
It’s New Year’s, Eve.
26. Why was the telephone late for work on Jan. 1?
It was busy ringing in the new year!
27. What did George Washington do in the days leading up to New Year’s?
He made a New Year’s revolution.
28. What compliment did the drink glass give to the champagne on New Year’s Eve?
“You’re so bubbly!”
29. I don’t know why people flock to Times Square on New Year’s Eve. They always drop the ball.
30. Why is New Year’s a slice of bread’s least favorite holiday?
It has to make a toast.
31. Why did the man stand on one leg at midnight on New Year’s?
He wanted to start the year on the right foot.
32. Why was the Hershey bar bummed on New Year’s Eve?
It got stuck waiting for a midnight Kiss.
33. What do kangaroos say to each other at midnight on Jan. 1?
“Hoppy New Year!”
34. What did the woman say when she was offered a raisin on New Year’s Eve?
“No thanks. I already have a date.”
Looking for more New Year’s jokes and humor? These funny New Year’s memes will have you laughing into 2024.
35. What was the opening line of the spice rack’s New Year’s toast?
“Cheers to the good thymes!”
36. My dad gave up smoking cold turkey for New Year’s. He’s doing better now but … he’s still coughing up feathers.
37. What was Dr. Frankenstein’s New Year’s resolution?
To make new friends.
38. What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne“?
A liar.
39. What’s the worst part of jogging on New Year’s Eve?
The ice falling out of your drink!
40. I made a New Year’s resolution to drink more water. I’ve only gotten as far as “drink more.”
41. What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make?
To travel more.
42. Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31?
He wanted to make a New Year’s toast.
43. Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year’s Eve?
He wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.
44. Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Radio.
Radio who?
Radio not, it’s a new year.
45. What should people never eat on New Year’s Eve?
Fire crackers.
46. What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?
Turns over a new leaf.
New Year’s one-liners
47. This New Year, I resolve to be less awesome … since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
48. Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve—Dec. 31.
49. My New Year’s resolution is to get better at pretending to know the words to “Auld Lang Syne.”
50. My resolution was to read more, so I turned on the subtitles on my TV.
51. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
52. I see no need to make more New Year’s resolutions when the ones already on the books aren’t being enforced.
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Originally Published: March 26, 2024
