30 New Year’s Jokes That’ll Have You Laughing Out Loud

Ring in the new year with these hilarious New Year's jokes.

The new year, 2021, is almost here and everyone is more than ready to kiss 2020 goodbye. What better way to ring in the new year than with some laughs? These hilarious New Year’s jokes will put a smile on your face before you start counting down to midnight.

Q: What is a New Year's resolution? A: Something that goes in one year and out the other.Emma Kumer/rd.com, Getty Images

Q: What is a New Year’s resolution?
A: Something that goes in one year and out the other.

Q: What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve?
A: Chill out.

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for new year’s. Middle age is when you’re forced to.

Q: What do New Year’s parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.

My grandparents had resolutions like donating more time and money to charities. I’ve decided to make my own coffee once a week.

Q: Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve? A: To ring in the new year.Emma Kumer/rd.com, Getty Images

Q: Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve?
A: To ring in the new year.

My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.

Q: What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
A: Pop!

Q: What’s a cow’s favourite holiday?
A: Moo Year’s Eve.

Q: Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve?
A: Waiting for the punchline.

Q: What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
A: Hogs and kisses!

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

Q: What did the ghost say on January 1st? A: Happy Boo Year.Emma Kumer/rd.com, Getty Images

Q: What did the ghost say on January 1st?
A: Happy Boo Year.

I see no need to make more New Year’s resolutions when the ones already on the books aren’t being enforced.

Q: What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?
A: Social Security.

Q: What’s a digital camera’s New Year’s resolution?
A: 1080p.

This New Year’s, I’m going to make a resolution I can keep—no dieting all year long.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby New Year.

Q: Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve? A: Times Square.Emma Kumer/rd.com, Getty Images

Q: Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?
A: Times Square.

Q: Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
A: To start off the new year in a cool way.

Q: What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve?
A: I haven’t seen you for a year!

This New Year’s, I resolved to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me.

Q: What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
A: He got 12 months!

Q: What is corn’s favourite holiday?
A: New EARS Day!

Q: What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
A: The New Year’s Eve clean-up crew.

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

The only “homework” you want your dog to chew up is your list of New Year’s resolutions.

Q: Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve. A: December 31st.Emma Kumer/rd.com, Getty Images

Q: Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve.
A: December 31st.

My New Year’s resolution is to get better at pretending to know the words to “Auld Lang Syne.”

My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my TV.

Next, check out these 50 inspirational New Year’s quotes.

Popular Videos

Originally Published on Reader's Digest