40 of the Funniest One-Liners on the Internet
Updated: Apr. 09, 2021When done right, a simple one-liner can deliver the biggest laughs. Take a few cues from the masters, including Mel Brooks, David Letterman and Jim Gaffigan.
Dogs are forever…
In the pushup position. – Mitch Hedberg
Check out 100+ funny parenting tweets all moms and dads can relate to.
A cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant…
And orders a waiter. – Morey Amsterdam
You’ll definitely want to see these hilarious jokes from Canadian comedians.
I stayed up one night playing poker with Tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died. – Steven Wright
Keep the wedding fun with these 170+ hilarious jokes about marriage.
I was such an ugly kid…
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. – Rodney Dangerfield
These are the best knock knock jokes for kids.
I am a man of my word.
And that word is “unreliable.” – Demitri Martin
These are the most LOL-worthy jokes in Reader’s Digest history.
New York now leads the world’s great cities…
In the number of people around whom you shouldn’t make a sudden move. – David Letterman
Need an ice breaker? Try these cheesy pick-up lines that are good for a laugh.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot.
But I always found them. – Rodney Dangerfield
You won’t believe these 12 funny classified ads actually ran!
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.
You couldn’t park anywhere near the place. – Steven Wright
Laugh away with the best memes of 2020.
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws.
Only catapults. – Demitri Martin
Celebrate the funny side of festive season with these 100+ holiday jokes.
I did a sponsored walk once.
I raised so much money, I could afford a taxi. – Jimmy Carr
You’ll love these 50 best knock knock jokes for kids!
Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in?
Somebody’s making a penny. – Steven Wright
Don’t miss these 20 grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.
People who live in glass houses…
Might as well answer the door. – Morey Amsterdam
These 75+ birthday jokes are guaranteed to get a laugh.
There’s no business like show business…
But there are several businesses like accounting. – David Letterman
I like to go into The Body Shop and yell…
“I’ve already got one!” – Jimmy Carr
Here are 15 funny Monday jokes to get you through the week.
Big families are like waterbed stores.
They used to be everywhere and now they’re just weird. – Jim Gaffigan
For when you need the laughs to come fast, here are 75 short jokes anyone can remember.
It’s a small world…
But I wouldn’t want to paint it. – Steven Wright
These bad dad jokes from Twitter will make you LOL.
I wonder what the word “dots”…
Looks like in braille. – Demitri Martin
Try these funny physics jokes every science lover will appreciate.
Fall is my favourite season in Los Angeles.
Watching the birds change colour and fall from the trees. – David Letterman
Here are the best pi jokes for all the math geeks in your life.
I want to make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces.
When you finish it, it says “Go Outside.” – Demitri Martin
Here are 25 Disney jokes that will give you a good laugh.
If Shaw and Einstein couldn’t beat death…
What chance have I got? – Mel Brooks
These hilarious DIY jokes will bring the house down. (Get it?)
I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would have taken all my tests at a restaurant.
Bcause the customer is always right. – Mitch Hedberg
Hungry for some food jokes? Check out these extra cheesy lines.
There should be a children’s song…
“If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.” – Jim Gaffigan
Share these work-friendly jokes with your favourite co-worker.
Critics can’t even make music…
By rubbing their back legs together. – Mel Brooks
Check out the funniest practical jokes of all time.
The robe is a lazy man’s…
Tuxedo. – Jim Gaffigan
Here are 15 hilarious bar jokes for any occasion.
I could tell that my parents hated me.
My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. – Rodney Dangerfield
Learn the history of the world in 27 dumb jokes.
The final test of fame…
Is to have a crazy person imagine they’re you. – Mel Brooks
Find out the fascinating origins of these seven classic jokes.
I’d hate to be a giraffe…
With a sore throat. – Mitch Hedberg
If you have gelotophobia, you literally can’t take a joke.
When someone close to you dies…
Move seats. – Jimmy Carr
These corny Star Wars jokes are so bad, they’re good!
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one.
So I got a cake. – Mitch Hedberg
Here are the Harry Potter jokes every muggle should know.
I got a robe. It’s not a robe, really…
It’s just a towel that fits me. – Mitch Hedberg
If you find these kinds of jokes funny, science says you’re insecure.
When you eat spicy food, you can lose your taste.
When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton. – Jimmy Carr
Bad taste is simply saying the truth…
Before it should be said. – Mel Brooks
These funny tweets about food are sure to make you smile!
How fast does a zebra need to run…
Before it looks grey? – Demitri Martin
Here are 10 hilarious golf jokes that are better than a hole-in-one.
Playing Frisbee with a five-year-old is amazingly similar…
To just running after a Frisbee. – Jim Gaffigan
Next, check out the best Canadian jokes ever.
