75 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember

For when you need the laughs to come fast!

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What's the best thing about SwitzerlandPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

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I invented a new word: Plagiarism!

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Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

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Why do we tell actors to break a leg?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?"

Because every play has a cast.

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Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a barPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar

"Get out of here!" shouts the bartender. "We don't serve your type."

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Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the roadPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

Don’t miss these clever grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.

7 / 75

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

These funny Monday jokes will help you make it through the week.

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Knock! Knock! Who's there?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Knock! Knock!

Q: Who's there?
A: Control Freak.
Q: Con...
A: Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?"

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Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu: You get what you deserve.

Need to lighten the atmosphere at the office? Crack one of these work-friendly jokes.

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A woman in labour suddenly shoutedPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

A woman in labour suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doctor. "Those are just contractions."

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A bear walks into a barPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey... and a cola."

"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure. I was born with them."

Check out this side-splitting collection of the funniest one-liners on the Internet.

12 / 75

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

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Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

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Why don't scientists trust atoms?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

If that made you smile, you won't want to miss these funny physics jokes.

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Why did the chicken go to the seance?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why did the chicken go to the séance?

To get to the other side.

Ever wondered how “why did the chicken cross the road” became a thing? Find out the fascinating origins of classic jokes.

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Where are average things manufactured?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory.

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How do you drown a hipster?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

These clever jokes could make anyone sound smart!

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What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

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What does a nosy pepper do?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What does a nosy pepper do?

Gets jalapeño business!

Memorize these funny jokes for National Tell a Joke Day!

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How does Moses make tea?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

How does Moses make tea?

He brews.

Impress a history buff with these hilarious history jokes.

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Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

These are the funniest lawyer jokes of all time.

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How do you keep a bagel from getting away?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Put lox on it.

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Doctor jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you...”

These hilarious tweets are guaranteed to make you grin!

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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

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Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive.

These smart light bulb jokes are truly illuminating.

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What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line.

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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

Keep these funny holiday jokes in mind for your next party.

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What's the difference between a cat and a comma?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What’s the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

These funny animal pictures are sure to crack you up!

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Why should the number 288 never be mentionedPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

It’s two gross.

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Tin Man jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?

“Curses! Foil again!”

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Bald man jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Thanks— I’ll never part with it!

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Buddhist jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

Does your workplace tend to be a little tense? Here are some funny jokes to defuse an awkward situation.

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What did the left eye say to the right eye?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

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What do you call a fake noodle?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Don’t miss these wild (but true!) tales of the world’s dumbest criminals.

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How do you make a tissue dance?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

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What did the 0 say to the 8?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt!

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Pony jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What do you call a pony with a cough?

A little horse.

Found that funny? You'll love these corny Halloween jokes.

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What did one hat say to the other?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What did one hat say to the other?

You wait here. I'll go on a head.

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Magic dog jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador.

These hilarious dog puns will give you paws.

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Shark jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

This tastes a little funny.

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What's orange and sounds like a carrot?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What's orange and sounds like a carrot?

A parrot.

Check out the most Canadian headlines of all time.

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Dinosaur jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent.

Grab your mouse ears and have a chuckle at these Disney jokes.

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What do you call a woman with one leg?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

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Pirate jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye matey.

Relive the history of the world in dumb jokes.

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Frog jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

Check out our all-time funniest work jokes.

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Buffalo jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?

Bison.

These hilarious school stories are guaranteed to give you a laugh.

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What is an astronaut's favourite part on a computer?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What is an astronaut's favourite part on a computer?

The space bar.

Everyone can relate to these funny tweets about technology.

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Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?

Because it was cultured.

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Grammar jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-Morse code.

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Why did the hipster burn his mouth?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He drank the coffee before it was cool.

These groan-worthy breads puns will come in handy the next time you feel like loafing around.

51 / 75
Scrabble jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.

He kept leaving little messages around the house.

Calling all word nerds! You'll love these clever thesaurus jokes.

52 / 75
Marriage jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

These ridiculous beach puns are shore to make you laugh.

53 / 75
Calendar jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

These funny sleep jokes will have you laughing in bed.

54 / 75
Forrest Gump jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What’s Forrest Gump’s password?

1Forrest1.

It doesn't have to be April Fool's Day to appreciate these hilarious real life prank stories!

55 / 75
Poetry jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

How do poets say hello?

Hey, haven’t we metaphor?

Check out more cheesy pick up lines that are good for a laugh (if not love!).

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Batman jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Where does Batman go to the bathroom?

The batroom.

For more groan-worthy humour, find out what would happen if the person who named walkie-talkies named everything.

57 / 75
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Because he lost his filling.

These funny tweets about food are sure to put a smile on your face.

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What do you get from a pampered cow?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

Don't miss this gallery of funny farm animals!

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Basketball jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

These hilarious golf jokes are better than a hole in one.

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What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?

Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.

Don't miss these funny photos of dogs working from home.

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Why did the M&M go to school?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why did the M&M go to school?

It wanted to be a Smartie.

Don’t miss these funny tweets every parent can relate to.

62 / 75
Why do bees have sticky hair?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs.

These bad dad jokes are sure to make you laugh out loud.

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How does a rabbi make his coffee?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

How does a rabbi make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

These silly coffee puns will deliver a whole latte laughs.

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I got my daughter a fridge for her birthdayPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Having trouble crafting the perfect message for a birthday card? Try these funny birthday jokes!

65 / 75
Root beer jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.

Check out these witty bar jokes anyone can remember.

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Why aren't koalas actual bears?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

They don’t meet the koalafications.

Want to turn someone’s frown upside down? Try giving them one of these funny compliments!

67 / 75
Rest in peace to boiling waterPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Rest in peace to boiling water.

You will be mist.

If you liked that joke, you’ll get a kick out of these hilarious thesaurus mistakes.

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Animal jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

Don’t miss these bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.

69 / 75
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?

In case she needed to draw blood.

Don’t miss these funny doctor jokes.

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How do you throw a space party?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

How do you throw a space party?

You planet.

Check out these up-and-coming Canadian comedians—and their best jokes!

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Numbers jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight.

21.

It doesn’t have to be Pi Day (March 14) to bring out these funny math jokes!

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Baseball jokePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?

All of the fans left.

These hilarious DIY jokes will bring down the house!

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What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?

A chew-chew train.

You won’t believe these funny classified ads actually ran!

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Math jokesPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counsellor?

It needed help figuring out its problems.

These funny work cartoons were made for sharing at the office.

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Why can't male ants sink?Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

Why can’t male ants sink?

They’re buoy-ant.

After you've memorized these hilarious short jokes, check out the funniest Reader's Digest jokes of all time!

Originally Published on Reader's Digest