75 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember
For when you need the laughs to come fast!
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
Q: Who’s there?
A: Control Freak.
A: Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey… and a cola.”
“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure. I was born with them.”
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
If you laugh at these dark jokes, you’re probably a genius.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
Don’t miss these other science jokes every nerd will appreciate.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To get to the other side.
Where are average things manufactured?
These are our favourite jokes of all time!
Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.
Check out more funny puns here.
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
It’s two gross.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
“Curses! Foil again!”
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do you call a fake noodle?
If these short jokes are giving you a laugh, here are more dumb and funny jokes.
What do you call a pony with a cough?
A little horse.
Found that funny? Get a chuckle at these corny Halloween jokes.
What did one hat say to the other?
You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
What do you call a magic dog?
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Here are 50 bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
What is an astronaut’s favourite part on a computer?
The space bar.
Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?
Because it was cultured.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank the coffee before it was cool.
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.
He kept leaving little messages around the house.
Next, celebrate National Tell-a-Joke Day with these 50 corny jokes.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
Make sure to remember these 25 clever jokes that instantly make you sound smart.
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
If you’re a word nerd, here are 20 grammar jokes that are hilarious.
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?
Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I poured root beer in a square glass.
Now I just have beer.
Next, read up on 15 witty bar jokes anyone can remember.
What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?
A chew-chew train.
Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counsellor?
It needed help figuring out its problems.