120 Hilarious Tweets That Are Guaranteed to Make You Grin

It's amazing how much hilarity you can cram into just 280 characters.

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Cute dog in a baby stroller
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Precious cargo

Me, anytime I see someone with a dog in a stroller: What’s wrong with your baby? —@prufrockluvsong

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Hilarious tweets - woman with emotional baggage carrying suitcase
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Can I check this bag?

I wonder who decided to call it “emotional baggage” and not “griefcase.” —@will_dareal

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Hilarious tweets - Silently correcting your grammar mug
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Word nerd

If you try to correct my grammar, I will think fewer of you. —@thesammyhannah

If that hit your funny bone, you’ll love these clever grammar jokes.

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Hilarious tweets - couch potato
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Let’s get physical

“I’m not working out with a mask on” is my new favourite excuse for skipping exercise. —@thecatwhisprer

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Hilarious tweets - retail therapy
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Retail therapy

Me: I’m sad and directionless.
My brain: Buy stuff.
Me: No! Listen, I need a purpose.
My brain: Did you say a purchase? —@pant_leg

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Hilarious tweets - Man waking up
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Rise and shine

Them: What inspires you to get out of bed every day?
Me: My bladder, mostly. —@lhlodder

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Hilarious tweets - Cardboard box isolated
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It’s a keeper

One thing no one ever talks about: how much time you debate whether you should keep a cardboard box because it’s, like, a really good box. —@madameanthro

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Hilarious tweets - funny mature man on phone
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It’s inevitable

At a certain point in every man’s life, he begins collecting random screws in an old coffee can. —@mommajessiec

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Hilarious tweets - funny pirate
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Someone in my Norwegian class didn’t know the word for “cowboys,” so they called them “American horse pirates.” —@socactussoowl

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Hilarious tweets - funny guy checking phone
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Playing it cool

My best acting work to date? It has to be yesterday, when I realized I was walking in the wrong direction, so I pretended to get a text message that changed everything and forced me to turn around and walk the other way. —@orangepaulp

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Hilarious tweets - funny scared man
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Speak up

Spider: Why are you terrified by me?
Me: Well, the reasons I once had have all now been replaced by the fact that you can talk. —@thealexnevil

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Hilarious tweets - funny dog winking
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The dog days

The pandemic has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides. —@dogownersuk

Don’t miss this collection of the funniest dog memes on the Internet!

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Hilarious tweets - shark fin from Jaws
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Feats of strength

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist. —@emmamanzini

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Hilarious tweets - funny man thinking
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Let’s get paranoid

Nobody’s thinking about that weird thing you said. They’re thinking about a different weird thing you said that you didn’t even notice. —@deadeyebrakeman

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Hilarious tweets - funny broke woman
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The tank’s empty

I just made my last car payment. I mean, I still owe a lot, but I’m just not paying anymore. —@brentterhune

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Funny Tweets - Dentist
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Is this covered?

The dentist just asked me to open up and now I can’t stop crying. —@momjeansplease

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Funny Tweets - Running Burglar
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Move along

I saved a lot of money on a home security system by hanging a picture of my paycheque on the front door. —@tbone7219

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Funny Tweets - Dolly Parton
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Too talented

Dolly Parton writing “I Will Always Love You” and “Jolene” in the same day is mind-blowing. It would be like if Da Vinci finished the Mona Lisa, then turned around in the same day and wrote “Jolene.” —@wenzlerpowers

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Hilarious tweets - haunted house
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Cold comfort

I wouldn’t mind living in a haunted house. Cold spot in the room? That sounds like a great place to chill the wine or to stand when I’m hot flashing. —@Lisabug74

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Man dressed up as a vampire
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Vatt do you mean?

Me: I’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles.
Dracula: Venn?
Me: Probably tomorrow. —@fro_vo

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Woman holding a calculator
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Fudging the numbers

Just did my own taxes. So should be in jail by Friday. —@yellowbonemama

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Hilarious tweets - funny man shaving
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Inventing the soul patch

Friend: You missed a spot.
Guy: I don’t care. —@donttouchjames

These bad dad jokes from Twitter will make you LOL!

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Hilarious tweets - Jekyll and Hyde
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Think literary

The opposite of formaldehyde is casual­dejekyll. —@Browtweaten

Here are more Halloween jokes worth memorizing!

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Man sleeping in bed at night
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Right on schedule

Me: I’m going to sleep in today.
The 500 birds outside my window: Lol. —@GroovyTasia

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Canadian goose
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That’s An Order!

Might as well go ahead and get in the pond if you’re going to keep acting like a silly goose! —@lowendfury

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Video conference call with therapist
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Family Therapy

My therapist just referred to her therapist as my grand-therapist, which is a lot to process. —@corietjohnson

Check out these times video conference calls went hilariously wrong!

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Funny Tweets - Scrabble Q Tile
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Silent Partners

The absolute worst-spelled word in the English language is “queue.” Q was killing it on its own and someone was just like, “Hey, what if he had four useless teammates?” – @randypaint

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Home theatre
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Cinematic Experience

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I just like eating candy in a dark room where no one’s allowed to talk to me. —@caraweinberger

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Woman having trouble sleeping
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Injuries by Age

Age 5: I jumped off a swing.
Age 21: I jumped off a bar table.
Age 38: Sleeping. I hurt myself while I was sleeping. —@AbbyHasIssues

These funny sleep jokes will have you laughing in bed!

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Close-up of gym bag and woman's trainers
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Leg Day

It’s been six months since I joined the gym and no progress. I’m going there in person tomorrow to see what’s really going on. —@_CakeBawse

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Friends having pizza and beer
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The Body is a Cheap Apartment

I’m becoming the landlord of my own body by refusing to fix anything wrong with it. —@i_zzzzzz

Don’t miss these funny tweets about food!

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Solo female singing karaoke
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Stressful Singing

I love seeing people panic at karaoke when they realize how long and repetitive their song is. It’s like their eyes are asking, “Will I be singing ‘My Sharona’ forever?” —@isabelzawtun

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Breaking up concept
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Brutal Honesty

Him: I think we should see other people.
Me: I disagree. I think we should break up and both be alone. —@ginnyhogan_

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Woman drying her wet hair
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False Advertising

The ads for women’s shower products always say things like “Lock in your moisture” and “Rejuvenate your pores.” Meanwhile, men’s ads are just like “Smell like hammer, you idiot.” —@MNateShyamalan

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Cat walking on ledge of home
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Feline Instinct

It’s unfair to say that Scar murdered Mufasa in The Lion King. Cats just have a natural need to knock things off ledges. —@PatsATweetin

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Woman doing a cartwheel
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Free Wheeling

Always remember: you can do a cartwheel whenever and wherever you want. —@charstarlene

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Debt collector
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A Complete Misunderstanding

Debt collector: You have an outstanding bill.

Me: Aw, thank you! —@abbieexansxo

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Baby hedgehog
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Life is Unfair

Me: Can I have a turn in the hedge now?
Hedgehog: No. —@abbieevansxo

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Debit card machine
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True Love Waits

“If you love something, set it free.” –Me, spending money

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Cast of the TV show Friends
Photo: Amazon.ca

I’ll Be There for You

“I’m not here to make friends.” –The creator of Friends, who originally wanted to make a different show. —@yoyorobot

If you want to bring your A-game to trivia night, here are some pop culture facts to keep in mind.

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Canadian hundred dollar bills
Photo: Arlene Grace Evangelista/Shutterstock

Worst Nightmare

You: We all attract what we fear.
Me: I am absolutely terrified of 10 billion dollars. —@leokolade

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Woman happily reading a book
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True Story

Mind-blowing literary fact: all non-fiction books take place in the same shared universe. —@osutein

These true crime books are so chilling, you shouldn’t read them at night!

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Outdoor yoga class
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No Such Thing?

Not to brag, but I happen to be the reason why the yoga instructor stopped saying “There’s no such thing as a stupid question.” —@hellohappy_time

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Parking metre
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Confidence Boost

If you’re ever feeling down on yourself, just remember how in 2018, when I hosted Thanksgiving for my family, I told them to park in the wrong spot and every single person’s car got towed. —@dxxnya

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Businesswoman with headache
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One of my favourite games to play is “Is my headache from dehydration, caffeine withdrawal, lack of proper nutrition, my ponytail, stress, sleep deprivation, not wearing my glasses or a brain tumour?” —@pmilbs_

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Interracial couple
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The Truth About Dating

Dating is just somebody revealing the grosser parts of themselves little by little until you say “Okay, that’s enough” or “Okay, this forever.” —@AmySilverberg

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Hilarious tweets - man needs coffee
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But First, Coffee

Me, before coffee:
Ugh, why is everyone shouting?
Me, after coffee: Okay, yes, I do see the fire now. —@rica_bee

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Hilarious tweets - couple unpacking, moving in together
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Modern Romance

I moved in with my girlfriend after one year. Some people say we’re rushing in, but we’re both so in love with saving $900 a month. —@mondaypunday

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Hilarious tweets - driving at night
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Night Owls

My friend and I were driving home the other night at what felt like well past midnight, but the clock said 8:36 p.m. If that doesn’t sum up being in your 40s, I don’t know what does. —@letmestart

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Funny tweets - moped
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Cheer Up

“‘I hate being half bike, half-motorcycle,” he moped. —@SkinnerSteven

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Hilarious tweets - pirate
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Truly Irate

Me: What makes you angry?
Pirate: When someone steals my p. —@tweetpotato314

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Hilarious tweets - accordion
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Do We Have Your Attention?

Accordion to research, nine out of 10 people don’t notice when you replace words with random instruments. —@peachesanscream

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Hilarious tweets - wild west town
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Plans For Expansion

Cowboy: This town ain’t big enough for the both of us.
City Planner: No, this is just the mock-up. The actual town will be much bigger. —@theandrewnadeau

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Hilarious tweets - man blowing nose cold in winter
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That Time of Year

Winter is just me asking my body, “Hey, are you sick?” and my body answering, “Maybe!” —@jpbrammer

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Hilarious tweets - woman making speech
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Location, Location, Location

The fact that my balcony isn’t facing the street makes it nice and quiet but also makes my speeches to the people rather ineffective. —@Chicksrule

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Hilarious tweets - editor editing in red pen
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Canon Copy Edited

Writer: The Wizard of Oz
Editor: Oz’s Wizard —@Ben_rosen

These hilarious work jokes will help you get through the week.

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Hilarious tweets - woman on phone
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Now We’re Cooking

Wife [on the phone]: Did you preheat the oven like I asked?
Me: Yep.
Wife: What temperature did you set it to?
Me: 534
Wife: That’s the clock
Me: 535 —@Iwearaonesie

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Hilarious tweets - coffee mugs
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A Whole Latte Laughs

Me: Honey, it’s really muggy out today.
Wife: If I go outside and all our mugs are on the front lawn, I’m leaving you.
Me: *Sips coffee from bowl* —@Mynameisntdave

If that made you grin, you’ll love these ridiculous coffee puns.

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Hilarious Tweets - dog taking a nap
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Chase Your Dreams

If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. —@Planet_Irony

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Hilarious Tweets - Baby reveal
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Now That’s a Reveal

Me: My wife is having a baby.
Colleague: Oh my God, do you know what it is?
Me: It’s a person, but smaller. —@Keetpotato

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Hilarious Tweets - Record player one-hit wonder
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We All Get Our 15 Minutes of Fame

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “one-hit wonder” came up with any other phrases. —@Humurous1liners

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Hilarious Tweets - little girl reading
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Those Were the Days

Would love for one second of my adult life to feel as amped as I did as a child knowing I had five bucks to spend at the Scholastic Book Fair. — @Kristen_arnett

These funny Monday jokes will help you make it through the week.

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Hilarious Tweets - airport
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Anything Goes

The airport is a lawless place. Seven a.m.? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost $17. — @Alyssalimp

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Hilarious tweets - Man scratching head he doesn't know
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Hmm… Let Me Get Back to You on That

You never realize how boring you are until someone asks you what you do for fun. —@Thefunnyteeng

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Hilarious Tweets - Woman unplugging cord
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It’s Called Problem Solving

I just found out my mum didn’t know how to set the clock on her new microwave. So she stayed up until midnight and then plugged it in. —@Giftedrascal

Everyone can relate to these funny tweets about technology.

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Hilarious Tweets - upside down alarm clock 7:07 LOL
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All the LOLs

Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me… Then realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07. —@Pembdave

These hilarious golf jokes are better than a hole-in-one.

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Hilarious Tweets - Business man on beach
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He’s Not Wrong

“It’s five o’clock somewhere,” I say as I leave work at 9 a.m. —@Michaelsmartguy

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Hilarious tweets - Tapping watch going to be late
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Time is Relative

If I tell you I’m five minutes away and you believe me, that is your own personal problem. —@Heysar4h

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Hilarious Tweets - surprised baby

Fairweather Friend

I hate when babies start acting like everything’s brand new. It’s me. I just saw you last week and we were best friends. Don’t do this to me.” —@Stfubryann

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voice controlled smart speaker
Photo: r.classen/Shutterstock

Modern Malaise

My aunt got a Google Home for Christmas and she already had an Amazon Alexa. Recently we were messing around with the new device and asked, “Okay, Google, what do you think of Alexa?”

It answered, “I like her blue light.” From across the room, Alexa turned on and said, “Thanks.”

I’m scared. —@Allisoncalhoun1

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Hilarious Tweets - blonde hair weave
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Criminally Fabulous

The police just came to my house. They explained to me that someone had sent them photos of my car. They were worried, as blond hair was sticking out the back. The policeman then asked me to open my trunk, so I did. Their grisly discovery? My clip-in weave. —@Megalexandrax

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Two elephants
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Elephant’s Memory

My co-worker told me he got banned from a bar when he lived in North Dakota in 1973. He didn’t try going back to it for 30 years, but when he finally did, the moment he stepped in someone yelled, “Get the hell out of here, Dennis.” That’s probably my favourite story ever. —@Bmangall20

These funny family stories will have you laughing out loud!

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Bald man raising eyebrow
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Diminishing Returns

My girlfriend has started calling my hair “the economy” because it’s begun showing strong signs of a recession. —@realHamOnWry

You won’t be able to unsee these funny stock photos!

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Airplane above clouds
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Stay Positive

Me: I have to be honest, Steve. I’m a motivational speaker, not a flight instructor.
Me: Not with that attitude you can’t. —@Reverend_Scott

Comedians reveal their favourite jokes ever!

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Cocktails on a bar
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A Man Walks Into a Bar…

It was painful. —@cleanjoking

These work-friendly jokes will have you smiling in the office.

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People reading newspaper
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Is There An App For That?

I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance. —@DTWillingham

You won’t believe these mind-blowing facts.

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Books against wood
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Well Read

I used to know a girl called Paige Turner. I could read her like a book. —@MOSHK_88

Keep laughing with these funny examples of irony in real life.

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funny tweets overhearring
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My absolute No. 1 favourite phrase to overhear is: “Just between you and me…” —Raina Douris, radio host

Here are the things you should never say to a Canadian.

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funny tweets carpet
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The Carpet Says…

I’m just sick of people walking all over me. —@chrisdowning

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funny tweets cat
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Serial Stalker

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the thousands of pictures you have of them sleeping? —@laurajaylovette

Brighten your day with these funny animal pictures!

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funny tweets knight
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Exhausted Bunch

Q: Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight?
A: It had too many sleepless knights. —@Dadsaysjokes

Test your history chops with these hilarious history jokes.

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funny tweets plane
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Funny and Freaky

If you need something to pass time on a plane, over the course of the flight, slowly and silently apply an entire face of clown makeup. —@bridger_w

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funny tweets luggage conveyor
Photo: Arina P Habich/Shutterstock.com

Winning Strategy

Everyone, everyone, hold up. I have an idea. What if we all stand BACK from the luggage carousel and only step forward if you actually see your bag? —Andrew Chang, news anchor

These are the things you should never say to flight attendants.

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funny tweets running late
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Think About It

“But you said you were 10 minutes away.”
First of all, I didn’t say where I was 10 minutes away from. —@ImTheeBrock

Discover the strangest things mechanics have found in cars.

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funny tweets racoon with bread
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Sweet Dreams Get Crushed

I heard my husband scream “NOOOOOO!” from across the house and ran to see if he was okay. I discovered him watching that video of the raccoon who tries to “wash” his cotton candy and then appears visibly upset when it dissolves in the water. —@TheOutli3R

We dare you not to smile while looking at these adorable pictures of baby animals.

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funny tweets kettlebell
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Wrecking Ball

Just saw an article about an “easy at-home workout” you can do in your living room with a kettlebell, which sounds like a fun way to break everything in my apartment. —Raina Douris, radio host

Check out 20 more clean jokes that are safe for any occasion.

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funny tweets falling rocks
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Don’t Try This at Home

I saw a sign that said “falling rocks,” so I tried and it doesn’t. —@ElleOhHell

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funny tweet parent
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Dad Joke

Friend: Okay, when does a joke become a dad joke?
Me, with no hesitation: When it becomes apparent. —@taddmike

Here are more bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.

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funny tweets two giraffes
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Theory of Evolution

Personally I think giraffes grew those necks because they really wanted to be alone. —Sandra Newman, author

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funny tweets fishing
Photo: Shutterstock


Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. But teach a man to fish and he’ll be like, “Um, actually, I know how to fish, I’ll show you.” And you’ll wish you had your old fish so you could throw it at him. —Aparna Nancherla, comedian

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funny tweets red carpet
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Dream Team

If Natalie Portman dated Jacques Cousteau, they would win celebrity-couple nicknaming forever with “Portmanteau.” —Bryan Donaldson, TV writer

We bet you didn’t know these historical figures were related!

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funny tweets raccoon
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A Perfect Hybrid

If I had to come up with a slogan for raccoons it’d definitely be, “Dogs and hands, together at last.” —Merritt K., podcaster

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funny tweets cat tree
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Fruits of My Labour

Firemen keep harvesting my cat tree. —@zoebread

See the cutest cat breeds as kittens!

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funny tweets rent
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Talking ’Bout Your Generation

Millennials. Walking around like they rent the place. —@SpenceDen

Learn why millennials are the happiest generation ever.

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funny tweets ear plugs
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Sorry, Couldn’t Hear You

Store clerk: Ma’am, you’re not allowed to try out the earplugs before you buy them.
Me: What? —@ElleOhHell

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funny tweets crow
Photo: Shutterstock

Musical Number

Did Counting Crows ever give us a total number of crows? —@donni

Don’t miss these facts behind the greatest songs of all time.

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funny tweets barber
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Well, This Is Awkward

Me: *Struggling to think of things to talk about.* “So, what do you do for a living?”
Barber: *Slowly stops cutting my hair.* —@KeetPotato

Feeling uncomfortable? These funny jokes can defuse an awkward situation.

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funny tweets cat and dog
Photo: Shutterstock

A Bit Too Clever

Someone came into the library where I work and asked me if we had a book about Pavlov’s dog and Schrödinger’s cat. I said it rang a bell but I wasn’t sure if it was there or not. —@localnotail

These funny dog cartoons are sure to make you chuckle.

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funny tweets couple airport
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To Seal One’s Wait

Do people who line up at the gate before their flight starts boarding also stand next to the toilet 20 minutes before they even have to pee? —@joshgondelman

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funny tweets nap
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Power Naps

My brain: SLEEP!
My brain: AT EITHER 2 p.m. OR 3 p.m. NO OTHER TIME.
My body: No, that’s not—
My brain: WE ARE UNWILLING TO COMPROMISE. —@keelyflaherty

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funny tweets court
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I Make My Own Rules

Proud to announce my dream of becoming a criminal lawyer is halfway complete! Just working on the lawyer part now. —@sabrinahamiddd

We’ve rounded up the funniest lawyer jokes ever.

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funny tweets chalk outline
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Crucial Details

Just remember, when the jury is deciding between premeditated murder and manslaughter… it’s the thought that counts. —@C00LpenNAME

Check out these LOL-worthy wedding jokes about marriage!

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funny tweet pilot plane
Photo: Shutterstock


Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today and thought it was weird. Then I realized he must be one of those “plane clothes cops.” —@Tmoney68

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funny tweets prison cells
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Keep it Tidy

You can tell which inmates were involved in organized crime because their cells are much neater than the other prisoners. —@mstern68

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funny tweets crime scene
Photo: Steve Jolicoeur/Shutterstock.com

Forensic Files

Whenever I watch Forensic Files and realize I’ve already seen the episode, I get so mad I could poison someone in small amounts every day for six months. —Jeremy Rowley, Comedian

Check out these true stories of the world’s dumbest criminals.

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funny tweets arrest
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Know Your Rights

Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you’re not being arrested? —Evan Kessler, Comedian

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funny tweets umbrella at funeral
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Mystery Guest

If you pay me $50, I’ll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so people think you died with a dark and interesting secret. —Dana Schwartz, Writer

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funny tweets giraffe
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Nature Works in Mysterious Ways

How is it that unicorns are fake but giraffes are real? Like, what’s more believable: a horse with a horn or a leopard-moose-camel with a 40-foot neck? —@_kylebrownlee

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funny tweets brochure
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Sharing Is Caring

“Bro, you want this pamphlet?”
“Brochure.” —@SkinnerSteven

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funny tweets baby
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Important Parenting Advice

Don’t name your baby James. Name him Jame. He is one Jame. —@ohheyohhihello

These relatable parenting tweets will make you laugh out loud.

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funny tweet doctor
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Is There a Cure For That?

I went to the doctor and he said, “You’ve got hypochondria.” I said, “Not that as well!” —Tim Vine, comedian

Check out our funniest doctor jokes of all time.

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funny tweets insomnia
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Tips, Please

What are some cures for insomnia that do not involve drinking less caffeine and alcohol, or turning off your phone and computer, or getting exercise or meditating or reducing stress in any way? —Bess Kalb, TV Writer

Our editors have rounded up the funniest jokes in Reader’s Digest history.

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funny tweet therapy
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Survival Skills

What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humour. —@potsiegirlsarah

Psst—if you laugh at these dark jokes, you’re probably a genius!

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funny tweets IKEA
Photo: Prachana Thong-on / Shutterstock.com

A Real Labyrinth

IKEA is just an escape room you don’t have to pay to enter. —@_caroline__28

Here’s the real reason why IKEA products have such weird names.

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funny tweet broken pencil
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The Rest is Unwritten

Broken pencils are pointless. —@BreakingHunt

Every science nerd will appreciate these physics jokes.

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funny tweets wide legged jeans
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Questionable Trends

You either die a hero or live long enough to see wide-legged jeans come back into style multiple times. —Adam Sternbergh, writer

Here are 75 more hilarious birthday jokes to help you find the funny side of getting another year older.

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funny tweets gunsligner
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Getting to the Root of the Problem

Me: This town ain’t big enough…
Gunslinger: Yeah, yeah, for the two of us.
Me: No, I mean in general. There isn’t enough infrastructure to support the population.
Gunslinger: You know what? You’re right.
[We begin urban planning.] —@ThugRaccoons

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funny tweets hell
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But Where?

Me, in hell: I was told there would be a “special” place for me? —Alice Wetterlund, comedian

Do you often have trouble making it to the punchline? Check out these short jokes anyone can remember!

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funny tweets wine
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Search History: A Window to the Soul

My most recent Google searches are as follows:
“DIY wine opener”
“How to pour wine after breaking the cork”
“How to store wine without cork”
“How long is open wine good for”
“Why do dogs walk funny with shoes on” —@fratulez

These DIY jokes are sure to bring down the house!

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funny tweets super cat
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Kitty’s Got Claws

Dressed the neighbour’s cat in a superhero costume so that when it went home they’d wonder, “Is my cat fighting crime?” —@AimeeHelene1

If you enjoyed these hilarious tweets, be sure to check out our roundup of the best Canadian jokes of all time.

Reader's Digest Canada
Originally Published in Reader's Digest Canada

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