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20 Jokes Every Grammar Nerd Will Appreciate

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.

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Funny grammar jokesPhoto: Robert Liwanag/Shutterstock

The past, present, and future walked into a bar…

It was tense.


Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has claws and the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the ends of a clause.


“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“To.”
“To who?”
“Actually, it’s to whom.”


Q: Why should you never date an apostrophe?
A: They’re too possessive


Q: What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses

Turn the next five minutes into Happy Hour with these short, sweet bar jokes for any occasion. Warning: Please joke responsibly.

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Pregnant woman jokePhoto: Robert Liwanag/Shutterstock

Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman…

…who went into labour and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?

She was having contractions.


A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.


“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize’. Except at a funeral.” —Demetri Martin


Q: Which dinosaur knows the most words?
A: A Thesaurus


Q: What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate?
A: The noun declined.

Check out 7 Classic Jokes and Their Fascinating Origins.

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Shakespeare grammar jokePhoto: Robert Liwanag/Shutterstock

Q: Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

A: Pencils confused him — 2B or not 2B?


I invented a new word! Plagiarism.


Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out.

It could spell disaster.


When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet?

Nobody knew why.


Q: Which word becomes shorter after you add two letters to it?
A: Short

Here are 22 of the Best Shakespearean Insults That Still Sting Today.

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Light bulb grammar jokePhoto: Robert Liwanag/Shutterstock

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.


Q: What should you say to comfort a grammar nazi?
A: “There, their, they’re.”


When I was a kid, my teacher looked my way and said, “Name two pronouns.”

I said, “Who, me?”


I before e…except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbour.


“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
” —Anonymous

If you want to find out how it feels to sound smart, try out some of these clever jokes.

Originally Published on Reader's Digest