20 Jokes Every Grammar Nerd Will Appreciate
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar…
It was tense.
Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has claws and the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the ends of a clause.
“Actually, it’s to whom.”
Q: Why should you never date an apostrophe?
A: They’re too possessive
Q: What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses
Turn the next five minutes into Happy Hour with these short, sweet bar jokes for any occasion. Warning: Please joke responsibly.
Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman…
…who went into labour and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?
She was having contractions.
A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.
“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize’. Except at a funeral.” —Demetri Martin
Q: Which dinosaur knows the most words?
A: A Thesaurus
Q: What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate?
A: The noun declined.
Q: Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
A: Pencils confused him — 2B or not 2B?
I invented a new word! Plagiarism.
Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out.
It could spell disaster.
When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet?
Nobody knew why.
Q: Which word becomes shorter after you add two letters to it?
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.
Q: What should you say to comfort a grammar nazi?
A: “There, their, they’re.”
When I was a kid, my teacher looked my way and said, “Name two pronouns.”
I said, “Who, me?”
I before e…except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbour.
“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.” —Anonymous
If you want to find out how it feels to sound smart, try out some of these clever jokes.