20+ Funny Tweets About Food That Are Sure to Make You Smile
Food: we love it, we need it. From tips to misunderstandings, these hilarious tweets will make you laugh out loud… then go eat.
A Matter of Taste
There are three stages to growing up:
1) Olives are disgusting.
2) I don’t mind them.
3) Literally inhaling olives. — @Dongjirat
The worst thing about insomnia is discovering all the new hours of the day that you’re hungry. —@Asiadnyc
No Substitutions, Please
I couldn’t remember the word “appetizer,” so I said “food’s first act” and, honestly, it works. —@Svershbow
Are you telling me a shrimp fried this rice? —@Zuluonly
Quite the Appetite
Wife: At recess today, some kid named Billy told our daughter that he had butterflies in his stomach. Isn’t that adorable?
Me: That Miller kid? He’ll eat anything. —@Uncleduke1969
I’m trying to shield my phone from onlookers because I’m embarrassed by what they might see, but it’s just slow-motion video of forks going into slices of cake. —@Originaldanksta
When Hunger Strikes
Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for at least five minutes before eating.
Me: No. —@Abbyhasissues
Isn’t It Obvious?
Date: What do you do?
Me: [Holds up menu] You just choose a meal from this book of food. —@Arfmeasures
Horror Veggie Tales
Friend: “It’s called cauliflower. It’s not ghost broccoli.”
Me: [taking a long drag on my cigarette] “Listen, kid, I know what I saw.” —@roxiqt
Life hack: memorize these funny phrases and use them as necessary!
Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later. —@swaglordpat
Cooking tip: If you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there. —@UniqueDude2
Discover the fascinating origins of classic jokes.
Five Second Rule
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor.” —@ughrevolution
Quickly slice a block of cheese by throwing it through a harp. —@markleggett
Need a quick chuckle? Don’t miss these funny limericks!
Food For Thought
My thought bubble is just filled with pictures of my favourite snacks. —@Anniethenanny1
A Balanced Diet
I hate cooking, but I am excited to debut my cookbook, Toast on a Paper Towel, 365 Ways. —@LizHackett
Part of a Wholesome Breakfast
Fill your coffee maker with cake mix for an amazingly delicious yet entirely unexpected Thursday morning. —@8989belinda
Look no further for hilariously perfect quotes for birthday cards.
If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called “monoscuits.” —@TenderBeefsteak
Rice, Rice, Baby
Tips for beginner cooks: know your ratios!
1/2 cup uncooked rice = 2 cups cooked rice
1 cup uncooked rice = 5 cups cooked rice
2 cups uncooked rice = 14 cups cooked rice
3 cups uncooked rice = 68 cups cooked rice
4 cups uncooked rice = 1,036 cups cooked rice —@llw902
Whenever I Cut a Bagel:
Would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions? —@dubiousrhetoric
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. Typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation. —@AbbyHasIssues
To be clear, when I search for a recipe online, what I’m really looking for is a lengthy, detailed memoir of a basic woman’s journey to get the best version of said recipe, and if there aren’t three jokes about wine or licking the spoon per paragraph, I’m out. —@alicewetterlund
Future’s Looking Bright
My kid just called romaine lettuce “gross kale” so the next batch of humans is coming alone nicely, thanks for asking. —@Lifeattiffanys
The Heart Wants What it Wants
Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much garlic to put in. You measure that with your heart. —@weclock
A Very Special Birthday
Googling: “How to make a birthday cake for your cat.” —Joyce Byrne, magazine publisher
These hilarious birthday jokes are guaranteed to get a laugh!
You Know What I Mean, Eh?
If you’re Canadian and use milk bags and have never cut the tip off the bag by sawing it with a steak knife because nothing else was available, you’re lying. —@JodiesJumpsuit
Check out the best jokes from rising stars on the comedy circuit.
Does That Cost Extra?
*Ordering cake over phone*
“And what would you like the cake to say?”
*Covers phone to ask wife*
“Do we want a talking cake?” —@KeetPotato
These movies about cooking will make your mouth water.
Why Isn’t This a Thing Yet?
You should be able to twist the bottom of the Pringles can to bring the chips to the top like a lip balm. —@chrisdowning
Check out more hilarious tweets that are guaranteed to make you grin!