20 Funny Tweets About Food That Will Make You Hungry
Food: we love it, we need it. From tips to misunderstandings, these hilarious tweets will make you laugh out loud… then go eat.
I’m trying to shield my phone from onlookers because I’m embarrassed by what they might see, but it’s just slow-motion video of forks going into slices of cake. —@Originaldanksta
Isn’t It Obvious?
Date: What do you do?
Me: [Holds up menu] You just choose a meal from this book of food. —@Arfmeasures
Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later. —@swaglordpat
Cooking tip: If you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there. —@UniqueDude2
Discover the fascinating origins of classic jokes.
Quickly slice a block of cheese by throwing it through a harp. —@markleggett
Fancy a short one and a quick chuckle? Don’t miss these funny limericks!
A Balanced Diet
I hate cooking, but I am excited to debut my cookbook, Toast on a Paper Towel, 365 Ways. —@LizHackett
Part of a Wholesome Breakfast
Fill your coffee maker with cake mix for an amazingly delicious yet entirely unexpected Thursday morning. —@8989belinda
Look no further for hilariously perfect quotes for birthday cards.
If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called “monoscuits.” —@TenderBeefsteak
Rice, Rice, Baby
Tips for beginner cooks: know your ratios!
1/2 cup uncooked rice = 2 cups cooked rice
1 cup uncooked rice = 5 cups cooked rice
2 cups uncooked rice = 14 cups cooked rice
3 cups uncooked rice = 68 cups cooked rice
4 cups uncooked rice = 1,036 cups cooked rice —@llw902
Whenever I Cut a Bagel:
Would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions? —@dubiousrhetoric
Let’s Get This Bread
I love toast. What absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like, “Cook it again”? Unreal. —@LoserCrew
Consider using these jokes that make you sound smart!
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. Typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation. —@AbbyHasIssues
To be clear, when I search for a recipe online, what I’m really looking for is a lengthy, detailed memoir of a basic woman’s journey to get the best version of said recipe, and if there aren’t three jokes about wine or licking the spoon per paragraph, I’m out. —@alicewetterlund
The Heart Wants What it Wants
Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much garlic to put in. You measure that with your heart. —@weclock
A Very Special Birthday
Googling: “How to make a birthday cake for your cat.” —Joyce Byrne, magazine publisher
These hilarious birthday jokes are guaranteed to get a laugh!
You Know What I Mean, Eh?
If you’re Canadian and use milk bags and have never cut the tip off the bag by sawing it with a steak knife because nothing else was available, you’re lying. —@JodiesJumpsuit
Check out the best jokes from rising stars on the comedy circuit.
Does That Cost Extra?
*Ordering cake over phone*
“And what would you like the cake to say?”
*Covers phone to ask wife*
“Do we want a talking cake?” —@KeetPotato
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Why Isn’t This a Thing Yet?
You should be able to twist the bottom of the Pringles can to bring the chips to the top like a lip balm. —@chrisdowning
These movies about cooking will make your mouth water!