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50 Funny Food Tweets That Are Sure to Make You Smile

Food: we love it, we need it. From crazy cooking tips to misunderstood menus, these funny food tweets will make you laugh out loud... Then go eat.

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Funny food tweets - woman with silly grapefruit eyesPhoto: Shutterstock

Who’s in Charge Here?

Why would they call it a grapefruit? There already is a grape fruit. It’s called grape. Someone messed up here. – @perfectsweeties

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Funny Tweets About Food - LobsterPhoto: Shutterstock

Fancy Feast

Lobsters would be proud of themselves if they knew how expensive they were. – @megsdeangelis

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Funny food tweets - man drinking milkPhoto: Shutterstock

Double the Dairy

Every time I drink milk, I remember my roommate who used to put powdered milk in his glass of milk so he could drink “more milk per milk.” —@aedison

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Homemade raisin ice creamPhoto: Shutterstock

Worst Possible Combination

My husband just bought me ice cream with raisins. So that was a fun marriage. —@smerobin

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Funny Tweets About Food - Food DeliveryPhoto: Shutterstock

Worthy Splurge

Why drive eight minutes when I can spend an extra $43 to have the food delivered to my doorstep? @brandonslaterr

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Starbucks logoPhoto: Grand Warszawski/Shutterstock

Unusual Request

I was at Starbucks on my lunch break, and the guy in front of me in line asked the barista if they could crumble up two blueberry scones and blend them into his drink. Not sure what his story is, but I hope he finds peace. —@kendraaaleighh

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BlueberriesPhoto: Shutterstock

Taking Chances

One out of every three blueberries is an absolute nightmare. —@CHASE__CHASE

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Uber EatsPhoto: CatwalkPhotos/Shutterstock

Community Support

Me ordering delivery regularly:

  • lazy
  • needlessly expensive
  • pathetic

Me ordering delivery during the COVID-19 pandemic:

  • heroism
  • singlehandedly keeping every small business afloat
  • Nobel Prize in Economics —@OrangePaulp
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McDonald's drive-thruPhoto: Gargantiopa/Shutterstock

Conundrum

Drive-thru attendant: Would you like to try the chicken club?
Me: [Imagining chickens getting down on the dance floor] Hell yes I would. —@prufrockluvsong

Drive-thru workers reveal the craziest things they’ve seen at work!

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Eggos on supermarket shelfPhoto: calimedia/Shutterstock

Leggo My Eggo

My local Costco is out of Eggo waffles. A man and a woman reached for the last box at the same time. Though he was there first, by about two seconds, the woman insisted they should go to her and her children. I kid you not, the man, who had his two teens with him, replied, “Ma’am, leggo my Eggo.” —@Emily_R_King

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Assorted cereal boxesPhoto: LunaseeStudios/Shutterstock

Frosted Flakes

Dear cereal makers, exactly how tall do you think kitchen cabinet shelves are? —@AnniemuMary

Here’s what your favourite cereal brands used to look like!

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Traditional English breakfastPhoto: Shutterstock

What Time Is It?

The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother. —@ArtByPush

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Toaster with toasted breadPhoto: Shutterstock

A Serious Commitment

If you’re getting serious about someone, check what number their toaster is set on, because that’s what you’re going to be living with. —@WilliamAder

Here are more jokes about marriage that are perfect for a wedding.

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Breakfast sausages in a cast-iron panPhoto: Shutterstock

…And Some Sausages

A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages. —@donni

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FrittataPhoto: Shutterstock

Brunch Staples

A frittata is just an omelette that studied abroad for a year in university. —@jenstatsky

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Waffles for breakfastPhoto: Shutterstock

Batter Up!

My wife was going to make pancakes. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Now it looks like she’s just waffling. —@KentWGraham

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Yellow bananaPhoto: Shutterstock

Forgotten Fruit

It’s with a heavy heart that I announce that I let another innocent bunch of bananas rot on my kitchen counter for 12 days. —@Brittany_broski

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Cooking stir-fry vegetable and seafood dish at homePhoto: Shutterstock

Dinner Dilemma

As a child, I truly did not understand how good I had it not having to decide what to eat for dinner every single night. —@jonnysun

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Dinner partyPhoto: Shutterstock

The Leftovers

My signature party dish is “The One I Realized I Totally Forgot to Put Out After the Guests Were Gone.” —@copymama

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Funny tweets about food - hipster coffee shopPhoto: Shutterstock

On the Menu

A girl in the coffee shop I’m working in just said to her friend, “Imagine a hot veggie smoothie,” and I’m wondering how to break it to her that soup exists. —@daynamcalpine_

Here are the best Reader’s Digest jokes of all time.

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Funny tweets about food - making saladPhoto: Shutterstock

Lettuce Imagine For a Moment…

I wish I were better at making salad. I want to be master of my own romaine. —@curlycomedy

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Hilarious Tweets - olivesPhoto: Shutterstock

A Matter of Taste

There are three stages to growing up:
1) Olives are disgusting.
2) I don’t mind them.
3) Literally inhaling olives. —@Dongjirat

Check out these funny tweets every parent will relate to.

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Hilarious Tweets - midnight snack woman fridgePhoto: Shutterstock

Can’t Sleep?

The worst thing about insomnia is discovering all the new hours of the day that you’re hungry. —@Asiadnyc

These silly sleep jokes will have you laughing in bed!

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Hilarious Tweets - reading menuPhoto: Shutterstock

No Substitutions, Please

I couldn’t remember the word “appetizer,” so I said “food’s first act” and, honestly, it works. —@Svershbow

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Hilarious Tweets - Waiting to eatPhoto: Shutterstock

Menu Misunderstanding

Are you telling me a shrimp fried this rice? —@Zuluonly

These movies about cooking will make your mouth water.

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Hilarious Tweets - little boy with butterflies in stomachPhoto: Shutterstock

Quite the Appetite

Wife: At recess today, some kid named Billy told our daughter that he had butterflies in his stomach. Isn’t that adorable?
Me: That Miller kid? He’ll eat anything. —@Uncleduke1969

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food tweets cake forkPhoto: Shutterstock

Guilty Pleasures

I’m trying to shield my phone from onlookers because I’m embarrassed by what they might see, but it’s just slow-motion video of forks going into slices of cake. —@Originaldanksta

Check out the funniest one-liners on the Internet.

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Funny food tweets - opening oven doorPhoto: Shutterstock

When Hunger Strikes

Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for at least five minutes before eating.
Me: No. —@Abbyhasissues

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food tweets menuPhoto: Shutterstock

Isn’t It Obvious?

Date: What do you do?
Me: [Holds up menu] You just choose a meal from this book of food. —@Arfmeasures

These cheesy pick-up lines are good for a laugh (if not love).

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food tweets cauliflowerPhoto: Shutterstock

Horror Veggie Tales

Friend: “It’s called cauliflower. It’s not ghost broccoli.”
Me: [taking a long drag on my cigarette] “Listen, kid, I know what I saw.” —@roxiqt

Life hack: memorize these funny phrases and use them as necessary!

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food tweets boiling waterPhoto: Shutterstock

Freezer Burn

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later. —@swaglordpat

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food tweets rice phonePhoto: Shutterstock

iAbsorb

Cooking tip: If you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there. —@UniqueDude2

(Here’s why you actually shouldn’t put a soaked phone in rice.)

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food tweets floor foodPhoto: Shutterstock

Five Second Rule

I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor.” —@ughrevolution

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food tweets cheesePhoto: Shutterstock

Cooking Tip

Quickly slice a block of cheese by throwing it through a harp. —@markleggett

(These cooking shortcuts, on the other hand, actually work!)

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Hilarious tweets - woman with thought bubblePhoto: Shutterstock

Food For Thought

My thought bubble is just filled with pictures of my favourite snacks. —@Anniethenanny1

Don’t miss our roundup of the best snacks you can only find in Canada!

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food tweets bagel paper towelPhoto: Shutterstock

A Balanced Diet

I hate cooking, but I am excited to debut my cookbook, Toast on a Paper Towel, 365 Ways. —@LizHackett

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food tweets mug cakePhoto: Shutterstock

Part of a Wholesome Breakfast

Fill your coffee maker with cake mix for an amazingly delicious yet entirely unexpected Thursday morning. —@8989belinda

These funny good morning GIFs will start any day with a smile!

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food tweets crackersPhoto: Shutterstock

Secret Snack

If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called “monoscuits.” —@TenderBeefsteak

Here are the 10 Canadians you need to follow on social media.

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food tweets ricePhoto: Shutterstock

Rice, Rice, Baby

Tips for beginner cooks: know your ratios!
1/2 cup uncooked rice = 2 cups cooked rice
1 cup uncooked rice = 5 cups cooked rice
2 cups uncooked rice = 14 cups cooked rice
3 cups uncooked rice = 68 cups cooked rice
4 cups uncooked rice = 1,036 cups cooked rice —@llw902

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food tweets bagelsPhoto: Shutterstock

Whenever I Cut a Bagel:

Would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions? —@dubiousrhetoric

Here are 20 grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.

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food tweets toastPhoto: Shutterstock

Let’s Get This Bread

I love toast. What absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like, “Cook it again”? Unreal. —@LoserCrew

Don’t miss these jokes that make you sound smart!

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food tweets foodPhoto: Shutterstock

Hungry

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. Typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation. —@AbbyHasIssues

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food tweets online recipePhoto: Shutterstock

Kitchen Rules

To be clear, when I search for a recipe online, what I’m really looking for is a lengthy, detailed memoir of a basic woman’s journey to get the best version of said recipe, and if there aren’t three jokes about wine or licking the spoon per paragraph, I’m out. —@alicewetterlund

Here are 25 knock knock jokes that are genuinely funny!

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Funny parenting tweets - Kid hates foodPhoto: Shutterstock

Future’s Looking Bright

My kid just called romaine lettuce “gross kale” so the next batch of humans is coming alone nicely, thanks for asking. —@Lifeattiffanys

These hilarious tweets about driving will make you laugh out loud!

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food tweets garlicPhoto: Shutterstock

The Heart Wants What it Wants

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much garlic to put in. You measure that with your heart. —@weclock

Here are the the best jokes from Canada’s greatest comedians.

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food tweets birthday catPhoto: Shutterstock

A Very Special Birthday

Googling: “How to make a birthday cake for your cat.” —@joyce_byrne

These hilarious birthday jokes are guaranteed to get a laugh!

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Why Canadians drink milk out of bagsPhoto: Shutterstock

You Know What I Mean, Eh?

If you’re Canadian and use milk bags and have never cut the tip off the bag by sawing it with a steak knife because nothing else was available, you’re lying. —@JodiesJumpsuit

Tend to have trouble making it to the punch line? Try memorizing these side-splitting short jokes!

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Photo: Shutterstock

Does That Cost Extra?

*Ordering cake over phone*
“And what would you like the cake to say?”
*Covers phone to ask wife*
“Do we want a talking cake?” —@KeetPotato

Don’t miss this roundup of the best Canadian jokes of all time.

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food tweets pringlesPhoto: Mahathir Mohd Yasin / Shutterstock.com

Why Isn’t This a Thing Yet?

You should be able to twist the bottom of the Pringles can to bring the chips to the top like a lip balm. —@chrisdowning

If you enjoyed these funny food tweets, check out 100+ more hilarious tweets that are guaranteed to make you grin!

Reader's Digest Canada
Originally Published in Reader's Digest Canada