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30+ Funny Tweets About Food That Are Sure to Make You Smile

Food: we love it, we need it. From tips to misunderstandings, these hilarious tweets will make you laugh out loud... then go eat.

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BlueberriesPhoto: Shutterstock

Taking Chances

One out of every three blueberries is an absolute nightmare. —@CHASE__CHASE

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Uber EatsPhoto: CatwalkPhotos/Shutterstock

Community Support

Me ordering delivery regularly:

  • lazy
  • needlessly expensive
  • pathetic

Me ordering delivery during the COVID-19 pandemic:

  • heroism
  • singlehandedly keeping every small business afloat
  • Nobel Prize in Economics —@OrangePaulp

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McDonald's drive-thruPhoto: Gargantiopa/Shutterstock

Conundrum

Drive-thru attendant: Would you like to try the chicken club?
Me: [Imagining chickens getting down on the dance floor] Hell yes I would. —@prufrockluvsong

Drive-thru workers reveal the craziest things they’ve seen at work!

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Eggos on supermarket shelfPhoto: calimedia/Shutterstock

Leggo My Eggo

My local Costco is out of Eggo waffles. A man and a woman reached for the last box at the same time. Though he was there first, by about two seconds, the woman insisted they should go to her and her children. I kid you not, the man, who had his two teens with him, replied, “Ma’am, leggo my Eggo.” —@Emily_R_King

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Assorted cereal boxesPhoto: LunaseeStudios/Shutterstock

Frosted Flakes

Dear cereal makers, exactly how tall do you think kitchen cabinet shelves are? —@AnniemuMary

Here’s what your favourite cereal brands used to look like!

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Traditional English breakfastPhoto: Shutterstock

What Time Is It?

The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother. —@ArtByPush

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Toaster with toasted breadPhoto: Shutterstock

A Serious Commitment

If you’re getting serious about someone, check what number their toaster is set on, because that’s what you’re going to be living with. —@WilliamAder

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Breakfast sausages in a cast-iron panPhoto: Shutterstock

…And Some Sausages

A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages. —@donni

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FrittataPhoto: Shutterstock

Brunch Staples

A frittata is just an omelette that studied abroad for a year in university. —@jenstatsky

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Waffles for breakfastPhoto: Shutterstock

Batter Up!

My wife was going to make pancakes. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Now it looks like she’s just waffling. —@KentWGraham

Check out the beautiful dessert that has been pinned over 270,000 times.

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Yellow bananaPhoto: Shutterstock

Forgotten Fruit

It’s with a heavy heart that I announce that I let another innocent bunch of bananas rot on my kitchen counter for 12 days. —@Brittany_broski

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Cooking stir-fry vegetable and seafood dish at homePhoto: Shutterstock

Dinner Dilemma

As a child, I truly did not understand how good I had it not having to decide what to eat for dinner every single night. —@jonnysun

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Dinner partyPhoto: Shutterstock

The Leftovers

My signature party dish is “The One I Realized I Totally Forgot to Put Out After the Guests Were Gone.” —@copymama

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Funny tweets about food - hipster coffee shopPhoto: Shutterstock

On the Menu

A girl in the coffee shop I’m working in just said to her friend, “Imagine a hot veggie smoothie,” and I’m wondering how to break it to her that soup exists. —@daynamcalpine_

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Funny tweets about food - making saladPhoto: Shutterstock

Lettuce Imagine For a Moment…

I wish I were better at making salad. I want to be master of my own romaine. —@curlycomedy

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Hilarious Tweets - olivesPhoto: Shutterstock

A Matter of Taste

There are three stages to growing up:
1) Olives are disgusting.
2) I don’t mind them.
3) Literally inhaling olives. — @Dongjirat

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Hilarious Tweets - midnight snack woman fridgePhoto: Shutterstock

Can’t Sleep?

The worst thing about insomnia is discovering all the new hours of the day that you’re hungry. —@Asiadnyc

Find out the funniest things people have ever said while they were sleeping!

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Hilarious Tweets - reading menuPhoto: Shutterstock

No Substitutions, Please


I couldn’t remember the word “appetizer,” so I said “food’s first act” and, honestly, it works. —@Svershbow

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Hilarious Tweets - Waiting to eatPhoto: Shutterstock

Menu Misunderstanding

Are you telling me a shrimp fried this rice? —@Zuluonly

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Hilarious Tweets - little boy with butterflies in stomachPhoto: Shutterstock

Quite the Appetite

Wife: At recess today, some kid named Billy told our daughter that he had butterflies in his stomach. Isn’t that adorable?
Me: That Miller kid? He’ll eat anything. —@Uncleduke1969

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food tweets cake forkPhoto: Shutterstock

Guilty Pleasures


I’m trying to shield my phone from onlookers because I’m embarrassed by what they might see, but it’s just slow-motion video of forks going into slices of cake. —@Originaldanksta

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Funny food tweets - opening oven doorPhoto: Shutterstock

When Hunger Strikes

Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for at least five minutes before eating.
Me: No. —@Abbyhasissues

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food tweets menuPhoto: Shutterstock

Isn’t It Obvious?

Date: What do you do?
Me: [Holds up menu] You just choose a meal from this book of food. —@Arfmeasures

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food tweets cauliflowerPhoto: Shutterstock

Horror Veggie Tales

Friend: “It’s called cauliflower. It’s not ghost broccoli.”
Me: [taking a long drag on my cigarette] “Listen, kid, I know what I saw.” —@roxiqt

Life hack: memorize these funny phrases and use them as necessary!

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food tweets boiling waterPhoto: Shutterstock

Freezer Burn

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later. —@swaglordpat

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food tweets rice phonePhoto: Shutterstock

iAbsorb

Cooking tip: If you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there. —@UniqueDude2

Discover the fascinating origins of classic jokes.

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food tweets floor foodPhoto: Shutterstock

Five Second Rule

I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor.” —@ughrevolution

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food tweets cheesePhoto: Shutterstock

Cooking Tip

Quickly slice a block of cheese by throwing it through a harp. —@markleggett

Need a quick chuckle? Don’t miss these funny limericks!

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Hilarious tweets - woman with thought bubblePhoto: Shutterstock

Food For Thought


My thought bubble is just filled with pictures of my favourite snacks. —@Anniethenanny1

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food tweets bagel paper towelPhoto: Shutterstock

A Balanced Diet

I hate cooking, but I am excited to debut my cookbook, Toast on a Paper Towel, 365 Ways. —@LizHackett

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food tweets mug cakePhoto: Shutterstock

Part of a Wholesome Breakfast

Fill your coffee maker with cake mix for an amazingly delicious yet entirely unexpected Thursday morning. —@8989belinda

Look no further for hilariously perfect quotes for birthday cards.

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food tweets crackersPhoto: Shutterstock

Secret Snack

If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called “monoscuits.” —@TenderBeefsteak

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food tweets ricePhoto: Shutterstock

Rice, Rice, Baby

Tips for beginner cooks: know your ratios!
1/2 cup uncooked rice = 2 cups cooked rice
1 cup uncooked rice = 5 cups cooked rice
2 cups uncooked rice = 14 cups cooked rice
3 cups uncooked rice = 68 cups cooked rice
4 cups uncooked rice = 1,036 cups cooked rice —@llw902

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food tweets bagelsPhoto: Shutterstock

Whenever I Cut a Bagel:

Would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions? —@dubiousrhetoric

If you find these types of jokes funny, science thinks you’re insecure.

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food tweets toastPhoto: Shutterstock

Let’s Get This Bread

I love toast. What absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like, “Cook it again”? Unreal. —@LoserCrew

Consider using these jokes that make you sound smart!

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food tweets foodPhoto: Shutterstock

Hungry

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. Typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation. —@AbbyHasIssues

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food tweets online recipePhoto: Shutterstock

Kitchen Rules

To be clear, when I search for a recipe online, what I’m really looking for is a lengthy, detailed memoir of a basic woman’s journey to get the best version of said recipe, and if there aren’t three jokes about wine or licking the spoon per paragraph, I’m out. —@alicewetterlund

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Funny parenting tweets - Kid hates foodPhoto: Shutterstock

Future’s Looking Bright

My kid just called romaine lettuce “gross kale” so the next batch of humans is coming alone nicely, thanks for asking. —@Lifeattiffanys

Do you have trouble making it to the punch line? Try memorizing these side-splitting short jokes!

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food tweets garlicPhoto: Shutterstock

The Heart Wants What it Wants

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much garlic to put in. You measure that with your heart. —@weclock

Our favourite comedians share the one joke that always makes them laugh.

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food tweets birthday catPhoto: Shutterstock

A Very Special Birthday

Googling: “How to make a birthday cake for your cat.” —Joyce Byrne, magazine publisher

These hilarious birthday jokes are guaranteed to get a laugh!

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Why Canadians drink milk out of bagsPhoto: Shutterstock

You Know What I Mean, Eh?

If you’re Canadian and use milk bags and have never cut the tip off the bag by sawing it with a steak knife because nothing else was available, you’re lying. —@JodiesJumpsuit

Check out the best jokes from rising stars on the comedy circuit.

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Photo: Shutterstock

Does That Cost Extra?

*Ordering cake over phone*
“And what would you like the cake to say?”
*Covers phone to ask wife*
“Do we want a talking cake?” —@KeetPotato

These movies about cooking will make your mouth water.

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food tweets pringlesPhoto: Mahathir Mohd Yasin / Shutterstock.com

Why Isn’t This a Thing Yet?

You should be able to twist the bottom of the Pringles can to bring the chips to the top like a lip balm. —@chrisdowning

Check out more hilarious tweets that are guaranteed to make you grin!

Originally Published in Reader's Digest Canada