22 Canadian Comedians to Watch Out For—and Their Best Jokes
These Canadian comedians are making us proud—and making us laugh, too! Check out the best jokes from these rising stars on the comedy circuit.
1. Mark Little
I’ve been getting more and more worried about turning into my dad. Ever since he bit me.
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2. Ed Hill
My doctor told me that I need to exercise in the morning. So I told myself I need a new doctor.
These are the funniest things that ever happened at the doctor’s office.
4. D.J. Demers
People always tell me, “Everything happens for a reason.” But they can never name the reason, so basically they’re just telling me, “Everything happens.”
Demers performs stand-up across North America. Find out if he is performing in your city at djdemers.com.
5. Jordan Foisy
The least useful piece of information? When the karaoke screen tells you what key your song is in. Has anybody ever used that? No one’s like, “Oh, ‘Rebel Yell’ is in the key of E? I thought it was in A. Thank God, I almost made a fool of myself.”
Jordan Foisy is a contributor at Vice Canada and CBC Comedy. Follow him on Twitter @JordanFoisy.
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6. David Acer
I just bought a Canada Goose jacket. I love it—it’s warm, it’s comfortable. The only problem is, whenever I run into other people wearing Canada Goose jackets, we all have to walk in a V-formation.
Follow Montreal comedian David Acer on Twitter @David_Acer.
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7. Jeremy Woodcock
I really love the book The Picture of Dorian Gray. Wow. Never gets old.
You can follow Woodcock on Twitter @jwPencilAndPad.
8. Martha Chaves
My aunt came to visit me from Nicaragua, and I took her to Niagara Falls. We visited Louis Tussaud’s wax museum. My aunt goes, “These are the ugliest candles I have ever seen.”
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9. Ryan George
Do you ever just lie on the ground and look up at the stars after security tackles you on the red carpet?
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10. Matt Wright
I feel bad for hockey players because they can get traded. Imagine if you were 19 and you worked at Subway and one day you went in for your shift and they said, “Sorry, now you work at Quiznos in Winnipeg.”
11. Steve Patrick Adams
Judging by all dream sequences in movies, I wonder if anyone in Hollywood has ever actually had a dream first-hand.
Find Adams’s stand-up, comic strips and animations at stevepatrickadams.com.
12. Jen Grant
My boyfriend is always saying that he “wears the pants in the relationship.” I’m like, “Fine, you wear the pants. But they’re capris.”
Jen Grant’s debut comedy CD, Nobody Likes Your Homemade Wine, is available at jengrant.com.
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13. Graham Chittenden
Sometimes it’s nice to get off the computer and go reconnect with people to talk about what I saw on the computer.
Follow Chittenden on Twitter @grahamchit.
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14. Jackie Pirico
I saw a sign on a lawn that said, “Please Don’t Walk On Our Grass.” Then I saw an old man’s face in the window, and his face also said that.
Jackie Pirico is a Toronto comedian who performs on stages across North America. Find her on Twitter @jackiepirico.
16. DeAnne Smith
My friend accused me of being condescending. This coming from a person who’s never even read Dostoyevsky.
17. Jessica Salomon
I’ve never been especially cool. When I was a kid, I once shoplifted a thesaurus. But then I felt so guilty, so sorry, so remorseful, so shameful, so repentant—so I returned it.
Salomon is a former war crimes lawyer turned stand up comedian who lives in NYC. Find her on Twitter @jess_salomon.
19. Scott Vrooman
The best investment is in yourself, which is why I eat all of my money.
Follow Scott Vrooman on Twitter @mescottvrooman.
20. Daniel Woodrow
I wish my cellphone was made out of whatever my TV remote is, because I’ve dropped it countless times, and it’s still mint condition.
Find Woodrow on Instagram @mrwoodrow.
21. Julien Dionne
I accidentally walked in on a guy having a shower after yoga class. He was not the least bit fazed. “Namaste,” he said, as I opened the shower curtain. I closed it and replied, “Nah, ’ma go.”
The Julien Dionne Comedy Hour podcast is available on iTunes or at juliendionne.com.
22. Carolyn Taylor
I think it’s time for me to cut back on the therapy. The other day, someone cut me off in traffic and made a rude gesture. I leaned out the window and yelled, “Who are you really angry at?”
Taylor is the creator and star of the all-female Baroness von Sketch Show. Stream full episodes on cbc.ca.
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