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50+ Canadian Comedians to Watch Out For—and Their Best Jokes

These Canadian comedians are making us proud—and making us laugh, too! Check out the best jokes from these rising stars on the comedy circuit.

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Ophira CalofPhoto: Courtesy of Ophira Calof

Ophira Calof

In a medical emergency, I recommend you:
1) Call 911.
2) Unlock the door.
3) Summon every last ounce of strength you have to shove your dirty dishes in the sink so that the paramedics don’t see your shame.

Ophira Calof is a Toronto-­based comic and co‑creator of the sketch comedy revue Generally Hospital. Find her online at www.ophira.ca.

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Canadian comedian Cassie CaoPHOTO: COURTESY OF CASSIE CAO

Cassie Cao

It was a dark day when Canada discontinued the penny. That was the day the cost of wishes went up 500 per cent. 

In 2019, Cassie Cao was selected to be part of Just for Laughs’ New Faces: Canada showcase. Find her online at @thecassiecao and www.cassiecao.com. 

Only geniuses will get these tough trivia questions right.

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Canadian comedian Leonard ChanPhoto: Courtesy of Leonard Chan

Leonard Chan

I think that being an astronaut on the way to the moon would be the worst time to find out that you’re a werewolf.

Leonard Chan is based in Toronto and performs regularly across North America. Find out where he’s touring at theleonardchan.com

These brainteasing puzzles will have your head spinning.

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Canadian comedian Courtney GilmourPhoto: Courtesy of Courtney Gilmour

Courtney Gilmour

As an arm amputee people always ask me if I wish I had hands. Honestly I mostly just wish you guys didn’t have hands.

Courtney Gilmour is the winner of the 2017 Homegrown Comics Competition at Just for Laughs. You can catch her performing with Yuk Yuk’s across Canada.

These are the most Canadian headlines of all time.

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Canadian comedian Nour HadidiPhoto: Courtesy of Nour Hadidi

Nour Hadidi

Someone asked me if I was a practising Muslim, and I said, “Yes, I’m hoping to make the national team this year. I don’t know if you’ve heard of them, they’re called in the Muslim All-Stars and they put the ‘all’ in Allah.” 

Nour Hadidi hosts and produces So Fresh N So Clean – Toronto’s only clean comedy show – on the first Friday of every month. Follow her at @NourHadidi.

These work cartoons will help get you through the week.  

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Canadian comedian Ivan DeckerPhoto: Courtesy of Ivan Decker

Ivan Decker

I can’t believe microwaves are still hanging on. They’re not even good at the one thing they’re supposed to do. They’ve been around for 40 years and nobody knows how long you’re supposed to put anything in there. Even products designed specifically for it have directions like “Put it in for between five and 12 minutes,” “Make sure it’s on high.” Yeah, always on high! Nobody knows how to take it off high. 

Decker’s Just for Laughs Montreal festival set is on Netflix. You can hear him on Sirius XM radio and CBC Radio’s “The Debaters.” Follow him on Twitter @ivandecker. 

We’ve rounded up the most famous practical jokes in history.

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Canadian comedian Tranna WintourPhoto: Courtesy of Tranna Wintour

Tranna Wintour

I don’t know what I hate more about going to the dentist: the physical torture or the small talk.

Tranna Wintour is a transgender comedian and writer based in Montreal. Find her upcoming shows at trannawintour.com.

Find out the funniest things that have ever happened at the doctor’s office.

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Canadian comedian Nick NemeroffPhoto: Courtesy of Nick Nemeroff

Nick Nemeroff

Like most people my age, I’m 29.

Find Nemeroff on Twitter and Instagram @nicknemeroff, or visit his website nicknemeroff.com.

These work-friendly jokes will definitely still crack you up.

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Canadian comedian Jess SalomonPhoto: Courtesy of Jess Salomon

Jessica Salomon

I’ve never been especially cool. When I was a kid, I once shop-lifted a thesaurus. But then I felt so guilty, so sorry, so remorseful, so shameful, so repentant—so I returned it.

Salomon is a former war crimes lawyer turned stand up comedian who lives in NYC. Find her on Twitter at @jess_salomon.

These are the absolute funniest jokes about lawyers.

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Canadian comedian James BrownPhoto: Courtesy of James Brown

James Brown

I think they should have named sandwich bags, “bags that are a little bit too small for a sandwich.”

Keep up to date with James Brown’s shows and musings online at jamesbrown.space.

You don’t need to be a foodie to get a kick out of these funny food jokes.

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Canadian comedian Hoodo HersiPhoto: Courtesy of Hoodo Hersi

Hoodo Hersi

After a show, I once got asked, “How Muslim are you?” I didn’t know what to say. Is there a Muslim scale? Was I supposed to be like, “Hey so from bacon to ISIS, I’m right in the middle.”

In 2018, Hoodo Hersi was selected as a Homegrown Talent at Just for Laughs, and as an Audible New Voice at SF Sketchfest. Follow her on Twitter @hoodocomedy.

These funny phrases are definitely worth memorizing.

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Canadian comedian Faisal ButtPhoto: Courtesy of Faisal Butt

Faisal Butt

I’m a 35-year-old unemployed, whisky-drinking, pot-smoking Muslim who’s dating a British girl. The only people I’m terrorizing are my parents. I have a jihad on their dreams!

Faisal Butt is a Toronto-based stand-up comedian. Find his upcoming shows at iamfaisalbutt.com

You’re guaranteed to smile at these funny texts from parents gone bad.

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Canadian comedian Darryl OrrPhoto: Courtesy of Darryl Orr

Darryl Orr

I see a lot of people wearing T-shirts that say “NO FUN” on them. I was considering getting one until I realized it already says that on my face. People would be like, “Why does it say no fun on that guy twice?”

Darryl Orr has been performing stand-up comedy for 10 years. You can follow him on Twitter at @fishinadarryl.

These are the most outrageous news stories from around the world.

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Canadian comedian David PrydePhoto: Courtesy of David Pryde

David Pryde

I was at a seminar entitled, Arouse Their Interest Through Reverse Psychology…but you don’t want to hear about that.

David Pryde is a regular guest on CBC Radio’s The Debaters. Find his work at davidpryde.com or @davidprydejokes.

Every science lover will appreciate these funny physics jokes.

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Canadian comedian Brandon CalderPhoto: Courtesy of Brandon Calder

Brandon Calder

I wonder if there’s an alternate universe out there where zombies tell stories about “non-dead” humans:

“And then it was July and Linda realized she was three months late on declaring her taxes.”

“Mommy, I’m scared.”

“Its just a story, baby…it’s just a story.”

Brandon Calder is part of the YouTube sketch comedy group Moving Mind Studio and stars in Laugh Out Loud network’s Campus Law. Find him online at movingmindstudio.com.

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Canadian comedian Kate BarronPhoto: Courtesy of Kate Barron

Kate Barron

My friend told me he was going to become a risk taker. He said he was going to go sky diving, bungee jumping and ride every roller coaster he sees. But all those activities have safety precautions–they’re not risky. I stood on my IKEA coffee table while changing a light bulb the other day. That was risky, because IKEA furniture is basically made of sawdust and hope.  

Kate co-hosts the podcast “A Positive Spin” with comedian Sara Starkman, where they highlight positive news stories.

Find out the real reason why IKEA products have such strange names.

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Canadian comedian John CullenPhoto: Courtesy of John Cullen

John Cullen

My girlfriend and I just broke up. We were in a long-distance relationship, which is easily the best kind of relationship to have if you’d like strangers to tell you that it’s not going to work.

Cullen recently released a new comedy album called Most Likely to Be a Comedian. You can find his tour dates at cullenthecomic.com.

Find out the origins of these classic jokes everyone knows.

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Canadian comedian Jenny HamiltonPhoto: Courtesy of Jenny Hamilton

Jenny Hamilton

I believe that mental health is as important as physical health. So whenever I see a jogger I yell at them, “What are you running from, honey?”

Jenny can be heard on CBC Radio’s The Debaters, and seen on comedy stages from Alaska to Australia.

You’ll wish you’d been using these hilariously good comebacks your whole life.

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Canadian comedian Becca KohlerPhoto: Courtesy of Becca Kohler

Becca Kohler

When my boyfriend plays fantasy football, I play fantasy new boyfriend.

Check out Toronto comedian Becca Kohler on @becca_kohler or at rebeccakohler.com.

See if you can guess the absolute worst mistakes in sports history.

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Canadian comedian Amy BuggPhoto: Courtesy of Amy Bugg

Amy Bugg

I miss my old car. We would always play this fun game where the engine light would come on, and then I would just call its bluff.

Alberta-based stand-up comedian Amy Bugg has appeared on CBC’s Grownups Read Things They Wrote as Kids.

These DIY jokes will bring down the house!

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Canadian comedian Todd GrahamPhoto: Courtesy of Todd Graham

Todd Graham

Another term for camping should be “arguing outside.”

You can follow Toronto comedian Todd Graham on Instagram or Twitter @idiotgallant.

These are the best corny jokes to brighten your day.

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Canadian comedian Norm SousaPhoto: Courtesy of Norm Sousa

Norm Sousa

I’m really bad at buying gifts for people, especially family members. On my father’s 40th birthday, I got him a CD from the band UB40, just to remind him that he be 40.

Catch Too Much Information hosted by Norm Sousa (@normsousa) on Super Channel.

These birthday jokes are guaranteed to get a laugh.

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Canadian comedian Joel BuxtonPhoto: Courtesy of Joel Buxton

Joel Buxton

The other day I was doing my taxes and my accountant asked, “Do you have any dependants?” I said, “Yes, on the kindness of strangers.”

Follow Toronto writer and comedian Joel Buxton on @JoelBuxton.

Check out these funny examples of irony in real life.

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Canadian comedian James O'HaraPhoto: Courtesy of James O'Hara

James O’Hara

Imagine if Edward Scissorhands didn’t have scissors for hands and everyone just called him Edward Hands.

James O’Hara is a Toronto-based comedian. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @JamesOHaraAF.

Can you guess the movies that made these quotes famous?

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Canadian comedian Ennis EsmerPhoto: Courtesy of Ennis Esmer

Ennis Esmer

There are two kinds of people in the world: people who say, “Why aren’t you dancing? C’mon, come dance!” and people I like.

Watch Ennis Esmer as troublemaking tennis pro Nash in the comedy Red Oaks on Amazon Prime. Follow him on Twitter at @ennisesmer.

We guarantee that you can’t help but laugh at these bad jokes.

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Canadian comedian Cliff PrangPhoto: Courtesy of Cliff Prang

Cliff Prang

When I tell bar audiences I used to be a pastor, they laugh at me. When I tell church people I am a comedian, they pray for me.

Cliff Prang is a professional actor, comedian and speaker, and an amateur stay-at-home dad. You can find him online at cliffprang.com.

These good news stories will brighten your day.

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Canadian comedian Ali HassanPhoto: Courtesy of Ali Hassan

Ali Hassan

My eight-year-old daughter, Sania, is a terrible joke teller, which is embarrassing to me, a man who makes his living as a comedian. She always has to be on, always has a zinger for every moment.

“Hey, Papa, that hat doesn’t match your face!”

“What? What joke book is that from?”

“Hey, Papa, nice shirt. Did your mom buy that for you?”

“No, your mom did. Now calm down!”

“Papa, knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Love.”

“Oh. Well, that’s nice. Love who?” “Nobody loves you!”

And that’s how you get grounded for telling jokes.

Download “From Zero to Hero,” the new stand-up special from Toronto comedian Ali Hassan (@StandUpAli), on iTunes.

Check out these hilariously awkward family photos.

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Canadian comedian Sophie KohnPhoto: Courtesy of Sophie Kohn

Sophie Kohn

I bought a new blender the other day. The box says it “easily processes everything!” And it’s like, okay, buddy, we’re not all so lucky.

Sophie Kohn is part of the stand- up comedy collective Joke Party. Catch their show every Wednesday at Comedy Bar in Toronto.

Here’s some excellent bread puns for the next time you want to loaf around.

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Canadian comedian Peter WhitePhoto: Courtesy of Peter White

Peter White

People still talk about it. “It’s the 21st century. How come we don’t have flying cars?” What do you think planes are?

White has performed in over 30 countries around the world. For tour dates check peterwhitecomedy.com.

Keep laughing with these hilarious tweets about technology.

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Canadian comedian Nelu HandaPhoto: Courtesy of Nelu Handa

Nelu Handa

I want my gravestone to read, “She died as she lived: pretending she knew how to swim.”

Nelu Handa is an actor, writer, producer, host and live performer. Keep up with her at neluhanda.com.

You won’t be able to unsee these funny stock photos.

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Canadian comedian Kate DavisPhoto: Courtesy of Kate Davis

Kate Davis

Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.

Find Davis online at katedavis.ca.

These funny parenting tweets are painfully relatable.

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Canadian comedian Jennifer McAuliffePhoto: Courtesy of Jennifer McAuliffe

Jennifer McAuliffe

I’m so out of shape the only exercise I do is “in futility.”

Jennifer McAuliffe is a stand-up comic. When not writing for humour sites such as Reductress you can find her onstage. Follow her on Twitter @JenniferJokes.

Check out the funniest one-liners on the internet.

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Canadian comedian Graham ClarkPhoto: Courtesy of Graham Clark

Graham Clark

I have a great idea for Netflix called the relationship filter, for when you are viewing alone and want to have the feeling of watching with a loved one. It would just be a voice that comes on at a certain point in the film to say, “Who’s that person?” then a little while later, “Oh, he’s from The West Wing.”

Graham Clark is a stand-up comedian and the co-host of Stop Podcasting Yourself. You can find him online at grahamclark.com or follow him on Twitter at @grahamclark.

You’ll fall in love with these jokes about marriage.

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Canadian comedian Aisha AlfaPhoto: Courtesy of Aisha Alfa

Aisha Alfa

My mixed family looks like a ghost and a shadow made love and I was the result. The Sears family photo was always a little tricky for us. The first few takes and my father would come out just eyes and teeth in the background. Then they’d adjust the lighting and my dad would be beautifully lit, but my mom looked like an apparition.

Find Alfa online at AishaAlfa.com, or follow her on Twitter @aishaalfa.

These are the funniest Reader’s Digest jokes of all time.

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Canadian comedian Mark LittlePhoto: Courtesy of Mark Little

Mark Little

I’ve been getting more and more worried about turning into my dad. Ever since he bit me.

Little is currently the voice of Gary in the television series Gary and His DemonsYou can follow him on Twitter @markmarklittle

Don’t miss these funny limericks only clever people will get.

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Canadian comedian Ed HillPhoto: Courtesy of Ed Hill

Ed Hill

My doctor told me that I need to exercise in the morning. So I told myself I need a new doctor.

Find Ed Hill’s tour dates online at kingedhill.com or listen to his podcast at sonofsmiley.com.

This is why doctors have such sloppy handwriting.

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Canadian comedian D.J. DemersPhoto: Courtesy of D.J. Demers

D.J. Demers

People always tell me, “Everything happens for a reason.” But they can never name the reason, so basically they’re just telling me, “Everything happens.”

Demers performs stand-up across North America. Find out if he is performing in your city at djdemers.com.

Use these funny jokes to defuse awkward work situations.

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Canadian comedian Jordan FoisyPhoto: Courtesy of Jordan Foisy

Jordan Foisy

The least useful piece of information? When the karaoke screen tells you what key your song is in. Has anybody ever used that? No one’s like, “Oh, ‘Rebel Yell’ is in the key of E? I thought it was in A. Thank God, I almost made a fool of myself.”

Jordan Foisy is a contributor at Vice Canada and CBC Comedy. Follow him on Twitter @JordanFoisy

Some songs are creepy—these songs are downright terrifying.

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Canadian comedian David AcerPhoto: Courtesy of David Acer

David Acer

I just bought a Canada Goose jacket. I love it—it’s warm, it’s comfortable. The only problem is, whenever I run into other people wearing Canada Goose jackets, we all have to walk in a V-formation.

Follow Montreal comedian David Acer on Twitter @David_Acer.

Our editors says that these gags make them laugh every single time. See if you agree!

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Canadian comedian Jeremy WoodcockPhoto: Courtesy of Jeremy Woodcock

Jeremy Woodcock

I really love the book The Picture of Dorian Gray. Wow. Never gets old.

You can follow Woodcock on Twitter @jwPencilAndPad

Science has figured out why you love the smell of old books.

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Canadian comedian Martha ChavesPhoto: Courtesy of Martha Chaves

Martha Chaves

My aunt came to visit me from Nicaragua, and I took her to Niagara Falls. We visited Louis Tussaud’s wax museum. My aunt goes, “These are the ugliest candles I have ever seen.”

Find Chaves online at marthachaves.com, or on Twitter @TheMarthaChaves.

Hone your funny bone with these practical tips.

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Canadian comedian Ryan GeorgePhoto: Courtesy of Ryan George

Ryan George

Do you ever just lie on the ground and look up at the stars after security tackles you on the red carpet?

Ryan George writes and stars in Pitch Meetings, an original scripted comedy series. He is also part of the sketch comedy group Moving Mind Studio.

These hilarious first kiss stories will make you glad you’re no longer a teenager.

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Canadian comedian Matt WrightPhoto: Matt Wright

Matt Wright

I feel bad for hockey players because they can get traded. Imagine if you were 19 and you worked at Subway and one day you went in for your shift and they said, “Sorry, now you work at Quiznos in Winnipeg.”

Follow Matt on Twitter at @mattwrightjokes and on Instagram at @mattwrightcomedy.

Find out how to pronounce these tongue-twisting hockey player names.

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Canadian comedian Steve Patrick AdamsPhoto: Courtesy of Steve Patrick Adams

Steve Patrick Adams

Judging by all dream sequences in movies, I wonder if anyone in Hollywood has ever actually had a dream first-hand.

Find Adams’s stand-up, comic strips and animations at stevepatrickadams.com.

These are the things movies always get wrong about real life.

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Canadian comedian Jen GrantPhoto: Courtesy of Jen Grant

Jen Grant

My boyfriend is always saying that he “wears the pants in the relationship.” I’m like, “Fine, you wear the pants. But they’re capris.”

Jen Grant’s debut comedy CD, Nobody Likes Your Homemade Wine, is available at jengrant.com.

Feel nostalgic with these hilarious yearbook quotes.

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Canadian comedian Graham ChittendenPhoto: Courtesy of Graham Chittenden

Graham Chittenden

Sometimes it’s nice to get off the computer and go reconnect with people to talk about what I saw on the computer.

Follow Chittenden on Twitter @grahamchit.

Were you bored silly in history class? Check out the history of the world in dumb jokes.

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Canadian comedian Jackie PiricoPhoto: Courtesy of Jackie Pirico

Jackie Pirico

I saw a sign on a lawn that said, “Please Don’t Walk On Our Grass.” Then I saw an old man’s face in the window, and his face also said that.

Jackie Pirico is a Toronto comedian who performs on stages across North America. Find her on Twitter @jackiepirico.

People born after 1990 won’t understand these retro pop culture references.

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Canadian comedian DeAnne SmithPhoto: DeAnne Smith

DeAnne Smith

My friend accused me of being condescending. This coming from a person who’s never even read Dostoyevsky.

Check out Smith on Twitter @DeAnne_Smith and check out her podcast, Questionable at Best at deannesmith.com.

Test your history chops with these hilarious history jokes.

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Canadian comedian Stephanie TolevPhoto: Courtesy of Stephanie Tolev

Stephanie Tolev

People always try to reassure me, “You will find the man of your dreams.” But the men in my dreams are terrifying and are usually carrying a chainsaw.

Follow Tolev on Twitter at @StephTolev.

Stand-up comedians reveal their secrets to telling a great joke.

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Canadian comedian Scott VroomanPhoto: Courtesy of Scott Vrooman

Scott Vrooman

The best investment is in yourself, which is why I eat all of my money.

Follow Scott Vrooman on Twitter at @mescottvrooman.

Remember these short jokes when you need the laughs to come fast!

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Canadian comedian Daniel WoodrowPhoto: Courtesy of Daniel Woodrow

Daniel Woodrow

I wish my cellphone was made out of whatever my TV remote is, because I’ve dropped it countless times, and it’s still mint condition.

Find Woodrow on Instagram @mrwoodrow.

These jokes about work should banish even a serious case of the Mondays.

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Canadian comedian Julien DionnePhoto: Courtesy of Julien Dionne

Julien Dionne

I accidentally walked in on a guy having a shower after yoga class. He was not the least bit fazed. “Namaste,” he said, as I opened the shower curtain. I closed it and replied, “Nah, ’ma go.”

The Julien Dionne Comedy Hour podcast is available on iTunes or at juliendionne.com.

These cheesy pick-up lines are guaranteed to get a laugh.

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Canadian comedian Carolyn TaylorPhoto: Courtesy of Carolyn Taylor

Carolyn Taylor

I think it’s time for me to cut back on the therapy. The other day, someone cut me off in traffic and made a rude gesture. I leaned out the window and yelled, “Who are you really angry at?”

Taylor is the creator and star of the all-female Baroness von Sketch Show. Stream full episodes on cbc.ca.

Next, check out these witty bar jokes anyone can remember.

Originally Published in Reader's Digest Canada