22 Canadian Comedians to Watch Out For—and Their Best Jokes
These Canadian comedians are making us proud—and making us laugh, too! Check out the best jokes from these rising stars on the comedy circuit.
I’ve been getting more and more worried about turning into my dad. Ever since he bit me.
Don’t miss these funny limericks only clever people will get.
My doctor told me that I need to exercise in the morning. So I told myself I need a new doctor.
These are the funniest things that ever happened at the doctor’s office.
The other day I was doing my taxes and my accountant asked, “Do you have any dependants?” I said, “Yes, on the kindness of strangers.”
Follow Toronto writer and comedian Joel Buxton on Twitter @JoelBuxton.
People always tell me, “Everything happens for a reason.” But they can never name the reason, so basically they’re just telling me, “Everything happens.”
Demers performs stand-up across North America. Find out if he is performing in your city at djdemers.com.
The least useful piece of information? When the karaoke screen tells you what key your song is in. Has anybody ever used that? No one’s like, “Oh, ‘Rebel Yell’ is in the key of E? I thought it was in A. Thank God, I almost made a fool of myself.”
Jordan Foisy is a contributor at Vice Canada and CBC Comedy. Follow him on Twitter @JordanFoisy.
Some songs are creepy—these songs are downright terrifying.
I just bought a Canada Goose jacket. I love it—it’s warm, it’s comfortable. The only problem is, whenever I run into other people wearing Canada Goose jackets, we all have to walk in a V-formation.
Follow Montreal comedian David Acer on Twitter @David_Acer.
Check out these bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.
I really love the book The Picture of Dorian Gray. Wow. Never gets old.
You can follow Woodcock on Twitter @jwPencilAndPad.
Science has figured out why you love the smell of old books.
My aunt came to visit me from Nicaragua, and I took her to Niagara Falls. We visited Louis Tussaud’s wax museum. My aunt goes, “These are the ugliest candles I have ever seen.”
Discover the fascinating origins of classic jokes.
Do you ever just lie on the ground and look up at the stars after security tackles you on the red carpet?
These hilarious first kiss stories will make you glad you’re no longer a teenager.
I feel bad for hockey players because they can get traded. Imagine if you were 19 and you worked at Subway and one day you went in for your shift and they said, “Sorry, now you work at Quiznos in Winnipeg.”
Find out how to pronounce these tongue-twisting hockey player names.
Steve Patrick Adams
Judging by all dream sequences in movies, I wonder if anyone in Hollywood has ever actually had a dream first-hand.
Find Adams’s stand-up, comic strips and animations at stevepatrickadams.com.
These are the things movies always get wrong about real life.
My boyfriend is always saying that he “wears the pants in the relationship.” I’m like, “Fine, you wear the pants. But they’re capris.”
Jen Grant’s debut comedy CD, Nobody Likes Your Homemade Wine, is available at jengrant.com.
Feel nostalgic with these hilarious yearbook quotes.
Sometimes it’s nice to get off the computer and go reconnect with people to talk about what I saw on the computer.
Follow Chittenden on Twitter @grahamchit.
Were you bored silly in history class? Check out the history of the world in dumb jokes.
I saw a sign on a lawn that said, “Please Don’t Walk On Our Grass.” Then I saw an old man’s face in the window, and his face also said that.
Jackie Pirico is a Toronto comedian who performs on stages across North America. Find her on Twitter @jackiepirico.
People born after 1990 won’t understand these retro pop culture references.
There are two kinds of people in the world: people who say, “Why aren’t you dancing? C’mon, come dance!” and people I like.
Test your history chops with these hilarious history jokes.
My friend accused me of being condescending. This coming from a person who’s never even read Dostoyevsky.
Our editors says that these gags make them laugh every single time. See if you agree!
I’ve never been especially cool. When I was a kid, I once shoplifted a thesaurus. But then I felt so guilty, so sorry, so remorseful, so shameful, so repentant—so I returned it.
Salomon is a former war crimes lawyer turned stand up comedian who lives in NYC. Find her on Twitter @jess_salomon.
Stand-up comedians reveal their secrets to telling a great joke.
People always try to reassure me, “You will find the man of your dreams.” But the men in my dreams are terrifying and are usually carrying a chainsaw.
Follow Tolev on Twitter @StephTolev.
We’ve rounded up the most famous practical jokes in history.
The best investment is in yourself, which is why I eat all of my money.
Follow Scott Vrooman on Twitter @mescottvrooman.
Remember these short jokes when you need the laughs to come fast!
I accidentally walked in on a guy having a shower after yoga class. He was not the least bit fazed. “Namaste,” he said, as I opened the shower curtain. I closed it and replied, “Nah, ’ma go.”
The Julien Dionne Comedy Hour podcast is available on iTunes or at juliendionne.com.
These cheesy pick-up lines are guaranteed to get a laugh.
I think it’s time for me to cut back on the therapy. The other day, someone cut me off in traffic and made a rude gesture. I leaned out the window and yelled, “Who are you really angry at?”
Taylor is the creator and star of the all-female Baroness von Sketch Show. Stream full episodes on cbc.ca.
Next, check out these witty bar jokes anyone can remember.