30 Times The Big Bang Theory Was the Funniest Show on TV
Updated: Mar. 09, 2023A compilation of witty one-liners from the much-missed sitcom.
Big Bang Theory Quotes That’ll Have You Laughing All Over Again
Sheldon on self-awareness
“Howard, you know me to be a very smart man. Don’t you think that if I were wrong, I’d know it?” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 3, “The Jiminy Conjecture”
Sheldon on generosity
“Oh, Penny. I know you think you’re being generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven’t given me a gift; you’ve given me an obligation.” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 2, “The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis”
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Bernadette on kindness
“Sheldon doesn’t know when he’s being mean because the part of his brain that should know is getting a wedgie from the rest of his brain.” —Bernadette Rostenkowski, The Big Bang Theory, Season 5, “The Hawking Excitation”
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Stuart on flirting
“I met her at Comic-Con, the one place where saying, ‘I have a comic book store’ is an actual pick-up line.” —Stuart Bloom, The Big Bang Theory, Season 4, “The Desperation Emanation”
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Sheldon on Christmas customs
“Oh, where to begin? Trees indoors. Overuse of the words ’tis’ and ’twas’. And the absurd custom of one stocking. Everybody knows that socks come in pairs. Who uses one sock?” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 6, “The Santa Simulation”
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Amy on humour
“Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh at a knock-knock joke that starts ‘Knock-Knock-Knock, Amy. Knock-Knock-Knock, Amy. Knock-Knock-Knock, Amy?’” —Amy Farrah Fowler, The Big Bang Theory, Season 7, “The Hesitation Ramification”
Surprise—these knock-knock jokes are genuinely funny!
Sheldon on humility
“Amy, we won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Humility is for people who win the goofy Nobels like Literature, Economics, and Peace.” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 12, “The Stockholm Syndrome”
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Howard on parenting
“I shouldn’t be raising a kid! I don’t even eat my own vegetables.” —Howard Wolowitz, The Big Bang Theory, Season 9, “The Positive Negative Reaction”
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Sheldon on Christmas music
“Because in the last ten minutes, Santa came to town, kissed mommy, and ran grandma over with a reindeer. I had a drunk uncle who did all those things. Nobody sings songs about him.” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 8, “The Clean Room Infiltration”
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Amy on compassion
“Why don’t you tell me what happened, and in a gentle and loving way, I’ll explain to you why you’re wrong.” —Amy Farrah Fowler, The Big Bang Theory, Season 9, “The Empathy Optimization”
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Leonard on family traditions
“I grew up in a house full of crazy academics. Instead of leaving Santa milk and cookies, we had to leave him a research paper. And in the morning, you could tell he’d been there because the paper would be graded.” —Leonard Hofstadter, The Big Bang Theory, Season 6, “The Santa Simulation”
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Sheldon on probability
“50 per cent of marriages end in divorce, but 100 per cent of make-your-own-sundae bars end in happiness.” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 5, “The Transporter Malfunction”
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Raj on themed dinner parties
“Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.” —Raj Koothrappali, The Big Bang Theory, Season 8, “The Clean Room Infiltration”
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Sheldon on public transit
“I would have been here sooner, but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 5, “The Friendship Contraction”
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Howard on heartbreak
“But if she dumps you, she’ll have a new boyfriend by tomorrow morning, and you’ll have a new girlfriend when you figure out how to build one.” —Howard Wolowitz, The Big Bang Theory, Season 3,”The Guitarist Amplification”
Sheldon on the domino effect
“Leonard, when that woman moved in three years ago, I told you not to talk to her, and now look, we’re going to be late to the movies.” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 3, “The Guitarist Amplification”
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Penny on respect
“You know, for a smart guy you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept, don’t piss off the people who handle the things you eat.” —Penny, The Big Bang Theory, Season 4, “The Love Car Displacement”
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Sheldon on gift returns
“It’s from the heart, it’s holiday-themed, and I swallowed the gift receipt so you can’t return it.” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 8, “The Clean Room Infiltration”
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Howard on the rules of marriage
“That is a good point. But I didn’t marry you for good points. I married you to blindly support me no matter how ridiculous I’m being.” —Howard Wolowitz, The Big Bang Theory, Season 8, “The Comic Book Store Regeneration”
Sheldon on praise
“I was expecting applause, but I suppose stunned silence is equally appropriate.” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 4, “The Thespian Catalyst”
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Raj on loneliness
“Nothing rhymes with orange. It’s probably lonely.” —Raj Koothrappali, The Big Bang Theory, Season 4, “The Wildebeest Implementation”
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Sheldon on the Grinch
“On the contrary I find the Grinch to be a relatable and engaging character. And I was really with him, right up to the point that he succumbed to social convention, returned the presents and saved Christmas.” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 3, “The Maternal Congruence”
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Howard on punny misfortunes
“Death by chicken. That’s a pretty fowl way to go.” —Howard Wolowitz, The Big Bang Theory, Season 6, “The Fish Guts Displacement”
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Bernadette on chores
“If you like pushing buttons so much, try pushing them on the washing machine.” —Bernadette Rostenkowski, The Big Bang Theory, Season 6, “The Tangible Affection of Proof”
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Penny on smartphones
“That’s right. My phone is just as smart as you guys.” —Penny, The Big Bang Theory, Season 7, “The Workplace Proximity”
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Howard on emotions
“You’re being so quiet. Are you upset or are you just rebooting?” —Howard Wolowitz, The Big Bang Theory, Season 7, “The Proton Transmogrification”
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Leonard on girl problems
“I’d make fun of Sheldon for having girl problems, if I wasn’t shocked that Sheldon has girl problems.” —Leonard Hofstadter, The Big Bang Theory, Season 5, “The Weekend Vortex”
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Bernadette on treating yourself
“I’m glad I got that mocha. And you know what else I’m glad about? I bought you a brownie and I ate it in the car!” —Bernadette Rostenkowski, The Big Bang Theory, Season 7, “The Gorilla Dissolution”
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Howard on simple pleasures
“Good food. Good friends. And, sometime around midnight, heartburn that makes you pray for death.” —Howard Wolowitz, The Big Bang Theory, Season 8, “The Leftover Thermalization”
These funny tweets about food are guaranteed to make you grin.
Sheldon on spontaneity
“We could also stop using the letter M. But I think that idea is isguided and oronic.” —Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 4, “The Toast Derivation”
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