The Funny Things Kids Say

Every mom and dad will relate to these ridiculous comments, questions and complaints.

Funny things kids say cartoonIllustration: Rose Anne Prevec
“These are SO last year!”

I was shopping with my two-year-old granddaughter and her mother. We walked into a chocolate store where they were handing out free samples. The employee asked my granddaughter’s mother, “Any allergies?” before offering my granddaughter one. When my granddaughter finished her chocolate, she said to her mom, “More allergies, please.” —Arlene Fauvelle, Saskatoon

I find it amazing that my granddaughter needs to put plastic bags on her hands when she cracks eggs but she can pick up a worm from the garden with no problem. —Bonnie Bricker, Calgary

My four-year-old daughter woke up one morning and said she had so much work to do. I asked her what kind of work. She said she had to eat all her cookies she baked yesterday and pet the cats. —

I was talking to my sleepy nine-year-old and, as a joke, offered her some of my coffee. She said, “I can’t drink coffee. I’m not an old person yet.” —@thisonesayz

How to portion-control your snacks: eat them in the presence of a three-year-old. You’ll be lucky to get two bites. @pritikaryan

My six-year-old granddaughter told her mother that she was building a time machine. Her mother suggested that perhaps she should go back in time to when her mother was a little girl so that they could play together. My granddaughter replied, “I’m not going back that far!” —Nancy Freihaut, Oakville, Ontario

Here, more grandparents reveal the funniest things their grandkids have said.

Girl with paper bag on headPhoto: DenisNata /

My niece said she couldn’t get rid of her hiccups. I told her to breathe into a paper bag for a few minutes. Five minutes later, she came back into the room with a paper bag over her head and said, “It’s not working!” —Julianna Metin, Aldergrove, British Columbia

I told my daughter work was tough today and she patted my back and said, “Life isn’t always pickles and peaches.” @dad_at_law

My eight-year-old son was talking to his grandpa about what it was like when his grandpa was growing up. He asked him what he watched on the iPad. His grandpa replied that there were no iPads then. My son, shocked, said, “I didn’t realize you were so poor as a kid.” —Shawna Dempsey-Mathieson, Watson, Saskatchewan

My new shoes came in the mail but they were too small. My 11-year-old said, “Just order two sizes up and if they’re too big, you’ll grow into them!”

My teenagers use so much slang I have no idea what they’re even saying anymore. I just hold my hand out for a fist bump and hope for the best. —@lovenlunchmeat

“Why are there so many tomorrows and only one today?” asked my three-year-old. This made me question everything about my current existence. —

“Mommy, someone just lost their kitty!” is my three-year-old’s adorable way of telling me she stole someone’s toy. @emslyce

My six-year-old: I can tie my shoes now. It’s easy.
Me: What’s your next challenge?
My six-year-old: Driving. —@xplodingunicorn

Next, check out these silly struggles every parent will relate to.

Reader's Digest Canada
Originally Published in Reader's Digest Canada