Grandparents Reveal the Funniest Things Their Grandkids Have Said

Every grandparent will relate to this collection of hilarious stories and unforgettable quotes from their grandkids.

My three-year-old grandson was admiring his cousins’ new bunk beds. He was about to climb into the lower bunk to try it out when his mom cautioned him about being extra careful not to hit his head.

He said, “I know! That’s why they’re called bonk beds.” —Val Bayer, North Vancouver, B.C.

My two-year-old granddaughter wandered into the kitchen to wash her hands. Her mom, who was busy, told her to use the bathroom sink instead. My granddaughter’s response?

“Mommy is giving me attitude!” —Lyn Thompson, Ilderton, Ont.

When my daughter was seven, she was horrified to learn that her grandparents had real names and were not, in fact, called Jeans (Grandma liked wearing jeans) and Keys (Grandpa always held the keys). —Gloria Myers, Scarborough

My four-year-old granddaughter was pretending to enjoy a piece of make-believe cake.

When her older brother, who is allergic to nuts, asked for his own pretend slice, she quickly responded, “No, you can’t have any. It has nuts in it!” —Jennifer Khan, Vaughan, Ont.

The family dog, Dooley, was about to celebrate his 11th birthday. Our five-year-old grandson suggested that a frisbee might be a good gift, but we pointed out that Dooley was now a senior citizen and too old for one.

“Don’t worry,” our grandson said. “It says, ‘ages five to 12’ right on the box.” —Sally Roper, Etobicoke, Ont.

I asked my five-year-old granddaughter what she wanted to be when she grew up. She replied, “A cashier.”

When I inquired further, she said, “Because I get to take people’s money.” —Gayden Warmald, Victoria, B.C.

My six-year-old grandson, Lucas, and I play a game called mystery cookies, where I bake cookies and he’ll guess some of the ingredients.

Lucas was getting quite good at recognizing ingredients until recently, when I made some extra-chewy cookies and asked him to name what was in them.

He replied: “Sponges?” —Donna Fulcher, Drayton, Ont.

It was difficult to see my two-year-old granddaughter when the pandemic began. But when lockdown restrictions in our area were lifted last May, I visited her with my hand puppets, and we had so much fun.

The next time, I forgot my puppets. I said I missed her and asked if she missed me. “No,” she replied, “I miss the puppets.” —Rena Hadlington, Brampton

When my grandson and I arrived at our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.

Noticing them before I did, he whispered, “It’s no use. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.” —Barthelemy Petro, Portland, Ont.

While I was repairing my six-year-old granddaughter’s dresser, I heard the following exchange between her and her friend:

My granddaughter: That’s my grandma. She’s our fix-it-up person. Do you have a grandma?
Her friend: No, I have a nanna.
My granddaughter: Well, you should really get a grandma. —Patricia Power, Oshawa, Ont. 

A few nights ago, my eight-year-old granddaughter stayed over at our place. The following morning, she watched me rub anti-wrinkle cream on my face.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about this yet. You aren’t old like me.”

“You’re not old,” she answered. “You’re middle-aged.” —Robin Fronteddu, Burlington, Ont.

During the pandemic, my two granddaughters—six and eight years old—were being home-schooled by their mom. One day, the eight-year-old had a spelling bee with her sister. “Spell ‘elephant,’” the older one said.

“Let her spell small animals, not big ones,” said her mom.

The older sister paused, then said, “Spell ‘mosquito.’” —Misir Doobay, Toronto

My four-year-old grandson loves picking dandelions, placing them in a glass of water and presenting them to his mom. One day, I saw him reach for the glass of dandelion water and stopped him just before he drank from it.

“Don’t drink that,” I said. “That water is yucky.”

He replied, “Well, it tasted good yesterday.” —Tammy McKenzie, High River, Alta.

My husband was reading a story to our three-year-old granddaughter, Kate, when her attention began to wane. He tried a new approach: reading a couple of sentences at a time and then pointing at pictures.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“A giraffe,” Kate answered.

This went on for a while but eventually got old, too.

“What’s that?” he asked, pointing to a zebra.

Exasperated, Kate replied, “Geez, Granddad, don’t you know anything?” —Wellner Gagnier, Delta, B.C.

Before the pandemic, our three-year-old grandson, Matthew, went to Disneyland with his parents. Before they left, Matthew’s grandpa had asked, “Can I come along in your suitcase?”

When they got to their hotel and opened their suitcases, Matthew looked into one of them. Confused, he called out, “Grandpa?” —Gail Rode, West Kelowna, B.C.

Next, check out our round-up of parents revealing the funniest things their kids have said.

Reader's Digest Canada
Originally Published in Reader's Digest Canada