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Your timing might be to blame…
If you feel like you and your partner have fallen into a rut with your sex life, your timing might be to blame. While we’d never tell you not to get busy if you’re both in the mood, there’s compelling evidence that you might want to rethink your sex schedule. The most popular time for love-making also happens to be the worst time to get busy.
A study in Frontiers in Psychology shows that the timing of men’s and women’s libidos are at polar opposites: Women feel the most desire in the evening, while men are most aroused in the morning. In the case of most straight couples, it looks like the woman might be getting the final say. The study found that the average couple is most likely to have sex between 9 p.m. and midnight—in other words, bedtime. But experts say that pre-sleep sex isn’t necessarily ideal. (Here are 13 things you need to know about sex in your 40s.)
Having a romp while you’re already between the sheets is undeniably convenient, but there’s a downside to saving sex for lights-out time, says “The Sleep Doctor” Michael Breus, PhD, author of The Power of When. “Sex at bedtime is not bad; it’s just that most people are exhausted,” he says. When your body is begging for shut-eye, there’s a good chance you won’t have the energy for the most mind-blowing encounter, he says.
Depending on the person, nighttime sex can also rev you up, making you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed right before trying to sleep, adds Lisa Thomas, LCSW, LMFT, DAACS, licensed relationship and sex therapist. But for other couples, it might have the opposite effect. “For the majority of people, sex is a tension reducer and relaxer,” she says. “People have sex before sleep to help them fall asleep.” (This is exactly how long men and women want sex to last.)
Both Dr. Breus and Thomas agree that sleeping together after you’re done, well, actually sleeping could make for better quality sex. While you’re resting at night, your body is at work building up hormones, and you’ll also wake up with more energy and creativity for satisfying sex, Dr. Breus explains. “You now have a prescription for morning sex,” he says.
Morning sex might not be ideal for couples with early or mismatched schedules, so Thomas recommends getting creative with sex timing. Try meeting at home for some mid-afternoon frisky time, or get busy when you’d normally be watching Netflix. “Any way couples can figure out how to make it fun and be in connection is great,” she says. “Couples that use sex to unwind and connect and reduce stress and tension are the ones who have sex over their lifetime.”
Next, check out these 23 best foods to boost your sex life.