Funny Halloween Quotes to Put You in the Spirit of the Season

"It's my favourite holiday because you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand without getting in trouble."

Funny Halloween Quotes Cartoon FullIllustration: Susan Camilleri Konar
“If you dress in a costume that they can’t figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy.”

Funny Halloween Quotes That’ll Have You Howling

Halloween is the only day of the year when it’s OK to ask, “What are you?” —Mike Birbiglia, comedian

Going the Distance
One year a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as Rocky, in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Shortly after I gave him some goodies, he returned. “Aren’t you the same Rocky who was just here?” I asked. “Yes,” he replied, “but I’m now I’m the sequel.” —

Party Pooper
For Halloween this year, I’m going as the parents from Dirty Dancing, since I’ll already be yelling at everyone for having fun. —@nickbossross

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
It’s my favourite holiday because you can trespass on a stranger’s property and make a non-negotiable demand without getting in trouble. —@mcnasty

What Goes Around…
I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day. I knew it would come back to haunt me. —

Candy Crush
Halloween never scared me until I became a parent. There is nothing scarier than overtired kids in costumes getting hyper from sugar. —@outsmartedmommy

Everyday Costume
The great thing about the pandemic is your kid can dress up as any profession for Halloween by throwing on leggings and a sweatshirt and saying they’re working from home. —@wendy_b

Magic Moment
My wife: Pick a Halloween movie to watch.
Me: Harry Potter.
My That’s not a Halloween movie.
Me: Then why does it have witches, spells and flying broomsticks?
My wife: Pick another movie.
Me: Fine. The sequel to Harry Potter. —@newdadnotes

(This is the best Harry Potter movie, according to Rotten Tomatoes.)

Housekeeping Trick (or Treat?)
Show off to people who always keep a neat house by not cleaning the cobwebs in your home and being ready for Halloween before they are. —@homewithpeanut

Make No Bones About It
Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts. —

Fang You Very Much
Why did the vampire take an art class?
He wanted to learn how to draw blood. —@alioop326

Spider’s Swindle
Halloween is just a scam by Big Cobweb to sell more big cobwebs. —@chasemit

If you enjoyed these funny Halloween quotes, be sure to check out our all-time favourite Halloween jokes.

Reader's Digest Canada
Originally Published in Reader's Digest Canada