The 61 Most Ridiculous Excuses People Actually Used to Get Out of Work
“Grandma tried to poison me. Again.”
An employee couldn’t come in because his llama wouldn’t stop barfing.
An employee called in sick because he ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill.
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An employee’s wife found out he was cheating, and he had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.
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An employee broke his arm reaching to grab a falling sandwich.
What’s your poison?
An employee claimed his grandmother poisoned him with ham.
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Potential brain damage
The employee said that he couldn’t come to work because his fortune-teller had asked him not to step out of the house or he would suffer a brain hemorrhage.
Blowing the coop
An employee couldn’t come to work because she accidentally got on a plane.
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An employee had to attend the funeral of his wife’s cousin’s pet, because he was an uncle and pallbearer.
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No way out
An employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn’t leave the house to come to work.
An employee’s false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway.
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An employee refused to come to work because his fish was unwell.
Something in the air
An employee claimed the ozone in the air flattened his tires.
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Show me the money
An employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
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An employee said she was bitten by a duck.
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An employee was experiencing traumatic stress from a large spider found in her home, and had to stay home to deal with it.
The employee said he’d gotten drunk the night before and was now suffering from a hangover.
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Oh happy day
An employee woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.
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An employee’s child stuck a mint up his nose and had to go to the ER to remove it. (In this employee’s defense, this is a pretty believable excuse.)
Law and order
An employee’s dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation.
An employee was feeling too upset after watching The Hunger Games.
An employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales.
An employee had to mow the lawn to avoid a lawsuit from the Homeowners’ Association.
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An employee said a cow broke into her house and she had to wait for the insurance man.
An employee forgot he had been hired for the job.
An employee got a cold from a puppy.
The employee insisted he’d locked himself in his house by mistake and that the house did not have any windows to crawl out of.
An employee was blocked in by police raiding her home.
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An employee said the meal he cooked for a department potluck didn’t turn out well.
Let them eat cake
An employee ate too much birthday cake.
An employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.
An employee called in sick from a bar at 5:00 p.m. the night before.
Different time zones
An employee said he had to watch a soccer game that was being played in Europe.
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Too full to move
An employee said his mother made his favourite dish and he ate too much.
An employee said the wind blew the deck off their house.
An employee was late because they overslept because their kids changed all the clocks in the house.
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An employee couldn’t come to work because their mother locked them in a closet.
An employee ordered a pizza that was late being delivered, and they had to be home to accept/pay for it.
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An employee said their mother-in-law wouldn’t stop talking.
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Too good to pass up
An employee was offered a grilled cheese sandwich and couldn’t say no.
An employee said it was too cold to work.
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Caution! Your beverage is hot
An employee’s coffee was too hot and they couldn’t leave until it cooled off.
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Blame the dog
An employee claims their dog ate their work schedule.
Snoozing on the job
An employee was at their office but fell asleep in the parking lot.