The 60 Most Ridiculous Excuses People Actually Used to Get out of Work
Updated: Sep. 03, 2023
"Grandma tried to poison me. Again."
Sick llama
An employee couldn’t come in because his llama wouldn’t stop barfing. Here are some really odd and funny excuses ever uttered.
Tummy troubles
An employee called in sick because he ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill. Still not as bad as the dumbest job applicants of all time.
Stuck on you
An employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.
Dumpster diving
An employee’s wife found out he was cheating, and he had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.
#Priorities
An employee broke his arm reaching to grab a falling sandwich.
What’s your poison?
An employee claimed his grandmother poisoned him with ham. Find out what bosses say the actual best way to call in sick is.
Potential brain damage
The employee said that he couldn’t come to work because his fortune-teller had asked him not to step out of the house or he would suffer a brain hemorrhage.
Blowing the coop
An employee couldn’t come to work because she accidentally got on a plane. Think accepting that excuse is bad? Read these 41 ridiculous things people believed as kids.
Walk of Shame
An employee had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where he was in the morning.
Family ties
An employee had to attend the funeral of his wife’s cousin’s pet, because he was an uncle and pallbearer.
No way out
An employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn’t leave the house to come to work.
Dental drama
An employee’s false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway. Don’t miss these 15 bizarre excuses people used in car insurance claims.
Sick fish
An employee refused to come to work because his fish was unwell.
Something in the air
An employee claimed the ozone in the air flattened his tires. It would take the world’s dumbest boss to fall for that.
Lucky strike
An employee was bowling the game of his life and couldn’t make it to work.
Show me the money
An employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
Bad hair day
An employee said bats got in her hair.
Mighty ducks
An employee said she was bitten by a duck.
Buggin’ out
An employee was experiencing traumatic stress from a large spider found in her home, and had to stay home to deal with it.
Honest Abe
The employee said he’d gotten drunk the night before and was now suffering from a hangover.
Microwave mistakes
An employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry. Make sure you know these “innocent” things you didn’t know could get you fired.
Oh happy day
An employee woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.
Mint emergency
An employee’s child stuck a mint up his nose and had to go to the ER to remove it. (In this employee’s defense, this is a pretty believable excuse.)
Law and order
An employee’s dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation.
Unhappy ending
An employee was feeling too upset after watching “The Hunger Games.”
Money woes
An employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales.
Duty calls
An employee had to mow the lawn to avoid a lawsuit from the Homeowners’ Association.
Holy cow
An employee said a cow broke into her house and she had to wait for the insurance man.
What job?
An employee forgot he had been hired for the job. Check out these other outrageous true stories of dumb employees.
Fashion emergency
An employee couldn’t decide what to wear.
Puppy problems
An employee got a cold from a puppy.
Windowless house
The employee insisted he’d locked himself in his house by mistake and that the house did not have any windows to crawl out of.
Leave it to beaver
An employee hurt his back chasing a beaver.
Room raiders
An employee was blocked in by police raiding her home. These have got to be the dumbest laws in every state.
Cooking fail
An employee said the meal he cooked for a department potluck didn’t turn out well.
Dinner dilemma
An employee had just put a casserole in the oven.
Let them eat cake
An employee ate too much birthday cake.
Healing powers
An employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.
Happier hour
An employee called in sick from a bar at 5:00 p.m. the night before. Check out these 13 craziest things drive-through workers have seen on the job.
No concept of time
An employee forgot it wasn’t the weekend.
Can’t see the laptop
An employee put petroleum jelly in their eyes.
Different time zones
An employee said he had to watch a soccer game that was being played in Europe.
Holiday mix up
An employee though Flag Day was a legal holiday.
Too full to move
An employee said his mother made his favorite dish and he ate too much.
Sick pet
An employee has to take his pet turtle to visit the exotic animal clinic.
Damaged house
An employee said the wind blew the deck off their house.
Pranked
An employee was late because they overslept because their kids changed all the clocks in the house.
Don’t move a muscle
An employee was cornered by a moose.
Time out
An employee couldn’t come to work because their mother locked them in a closet.
Home delivery
An employee ordered a pizza that was late being delivered, and they had to be home to accept/pay for it.
Dazzled by the sun
An employee thought the sunrise was so beautiful that they had to stop and take it in.
Chatter mouth
An employee said their mother-in-law wouldn’t stop talking.
Too good to pass up
An employee was offered a grilled cheese sandwich and couldn’t say no. While you’re at it, learn how to say no politely and firmly in any situation.
Below freezing
An employee said it was too cold to work. Amazing bosses might not let you get away with these excuses for missing work, but they do these things every day.
Expecting
A male employee claimed he had morning sickness.
Caution! Your beverage is hot
An employee’s coffee was too hot and they couldn’t leave until it cooled off.
Took the road less traveled
An employee was an hour late because an astrologer warned them of a car accident on a major highway, so they took all backroads.
Blame the dog
An employee claims their dog ate their work schedule.
Snoozing on the job
An employee was at their office but fell asleep in the parking lot.
Eyes glued shut
An employee’s fake eyelashes were stuck together.
Wrong office
An employee accidentally drove to their former employer’s location even though they haven’t worked there for five years. Now, check out the craziest things Walmart employees have seen at work.
