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13 Things Your Kid’s Camp Counselor Won’t Tell You

Shipping the kids off to camp this summer? Find out what’s really going on when you’re not around with these top-secret revelations.

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1. Your Kids Get Sucked In Pretty Quickly

For the first week, the cries of the homesick are almost unbearable. After that: ‘Mom? Who’s Mom?’

 

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2. You May Have Underestimated Your Children

Your kid is a lot less shy and a lot more competent than you think.

 

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3. Good Hygiene Won’t Be His Top Priority

Your son will shun clothing and may well go without showering for weeks. ‘It’s like a frat you join when you’re ten.’

 

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4. Don’t Bother With the Labels

Everything’s going to get hopelessly mixed up anyway.

 

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5. Some Things You’re Better Off Not Knowing

As long as he or she is eventually found, we’re not going to tell you about all the times we had to call a search-and-rescue for your child.

 

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6. We Work Hard, We Play Hard

Some of us are hung over every morning and rigidly enforce afternoon naptime not because the kids need the rest but because our heads hurt.

 

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7. If They’re Teenagers, They’re Curious

Even if it’s not a co-ed camp, your teen is going to learn more about the opposite sex (accurate or not) than you want to know.

 

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8. A Well-Balanced Diet Isn’t Really Enforceable

If they want to eat peanut butter and jelly for weeks in a row, there’s really nothing we can do about it.

 

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9. We’re Trying to Cut Your Kids’ Dentist Bills, Honestly

We confiscate the ‘illegal’ candy you send and eat it ourselves. For the kid’s own good, of course.

 

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10. Hard to Believe, But…

Your kids will be plunged into icy water, submitted to exotic ‘tortures,’ and scared witless countless times–just because we think it’s funny. …Oh, and they’ll love it. 

 

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11. They’ll Be Back

More than half of all campers are usually back at a camp the following summer, and an overwhelming majority say people at camp ‘helped me feel good about myself.’

 

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12. You Won’t Get It, But Don’t Worry

For weeks after coming home, your child is going to speak in incomprehensible camp slang and pine for people named Lunchmeat, Fuzzy, and Ratboy.

 

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13. Most Of Us Aren’t Here For the Money

We actually do this because we love your kids–and we’ll probably do it again next year. Camp is worlds more fun as a counselor than it is as a camper.

 

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