9 Things You Really Need to Stop Bragging About—Seriously
Think twice before you show off about these touchy subjects.
Unless the employment description includes working at an arena/stadium/ball field, or saving lives (particularly if you’re an Avenger!), we’re not interested in how entranced you are by your trade. Just as job fairs are nowhere near as fun as actual fairs (only the latter offers cotton candy!), hearing about your awesome place of work is as enjoyable as a mundane workday.
Don’t love your job? Here are 3 Reasons To Quit Your Job Right Now.
Your favourite sports team
You’re allowed precisely one day to gloat about a spectacular come-from-behind win and get a pass of up to a week if that happened in a championship game and you live in the town of said sports team. Other than that, no one cares how your college basketball team did on a random Tuesday in February.
There was a time where your exceptional booze consumption was met with shock, awe, and a flurry of fist bumps. That time ended the minute you started paying off, or ignoring, your college debt. Now it’s either annoying or concerning. Sometimes both!
Kids and animals
People ignore Facebook updates on children or Chihuahuas for the same reason W.C. Fields refused to work with either of them. Most kid clips lose their appeal the less the viewer is related to your DNA. Instead of informing your Facebook followers of the new scratching post you bought your cat, try these tips to improve your relationship with social media.
Clichés exist because, invariably, they’re nothing more than silly ways of reciting simple truths—which is why we’re delighted to report that the old trope of sports car owners compensating for something else is now backed up by scientific evidence. (OK, maybe less “scientific evidence” and more “unscientific survey,” but either way, keep the tales of your midlife crisis Corvette to yourself.)
That you finished Moby Dick
Unless you’re in a book club, your reading material is immaterial to anyone but you. Whether it’s the latest Harlequin novel you wined (and whined) about with your respective girlfriends, the latest ghostwritten, Bill O’Reilly, Killing…Fill-In-The-Blank tome you traded amongst your boys, or that 10,000 word New Yorker article on competitive composting that you’re so proud you finished…keep the recommendations brief and/or nonexistent. Reading may be fundamental but constantly hearing about WHAT your reading is no one’s idea of fun.
Sure, travelling is awesome, but relax with the scenic photos already. Regardless of how pretty your #nofilter sunset pictures are or how much time you spent on that short film you made on your recent adventure to Mexico, we’re all looking at our watch more than your wanderlust wherewithal.
Your significant other…
…just isn’t significant to those of us not dating him or her. Which is to say: Boo to your boo. Your friends and family are all happy that you’ve found your soulmate, (and/or just a mate you’re currently mating with) up to a point. And then the gabbing goods just get gooey. Here’s a tell: If you’re prefacing every new partner anecdote with “did I tell you…”? The answer is: Yes. Yes you did. And we didn’t like hearing about the fact that your boyfriend is adorably allergic to shellfish the first time you told it.
This stomach-cringing term, which was just admitted into the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is as epidemic as Twitter, the social media platform that was essentially made for the practice. But the very idea of lampooning a significant accomplishment by way of false humility is as obnoxious as the (hypothetical) tweet “My BFF @MerylStreep just made fun of the fact that I only won THREE Oscars. LOL! FML!”