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These 7 Dumb Criminals Basically Arrested Themselves

“And I’ve got the right to remain silent!”

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Can You Read Me Now?

When police in Vancouver, Canada, asked to search Jason Pauchay’s apartment for drugs, he was not a suspect—in fact, they were looking for someone else. That all changed when they got a look at how his name was listed on his cell phone: “Jason Pauchay Drug Dealer.” Source: Regina Leader-Post

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Assorted M&M'sPhoto: AS Photo Studio/Shutterstock

Next Time, Steal a Coffee Crisp

When Stephan Crane broke into the Ravelli Republic (Montana) newsroom, he used the computers to watch porn and check Facebook. Then Crane doused the office with a fire extinguisher, took some candy, and left. It wasn’t difficult to find him, however; the police just followed the trail of stolen M&Ms that led to his sister’s place across the way. Source: missoulian.com

Check out the 13+ Things Facebook Won’t Tell You.

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Man in handcuffsPhoto: Shutterstock

Watch Where You’re Going!

As two men waited on line at the coffee shop to pay their bill, a third cut in front of them. He threw a drink at the clerk, and demanded all the money from the till. Temporarily surprised, the men quickly recovered and handcuffed the crook. Apparently in his rush the criminal didn’t notice they were police officers—in full uniform. Source: ctv.ca

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Dumb criminalsPhoto: Shutterstock

Hampered by Stupidity

In Mesa, Arizona, a home break-in was foiled when the burglar jumped through the bedroom window—and got trapped in a clothes hamper. Cops took it from there. (That definitely wasn’t the kind of clean getaway he had planned.) Source: phoenixnewtimes.com

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The Couple That Drinks Together…

A woman in Fresno, California, was stopped at a DUI checkpoint for being soused. Ever helpful, she offered up this info: “My husband’s right behind me, and he’s even drunker than I am.” Source: The Fresno Bee

Check out 8 Weird Reasons You Got Tipsy So Quickly!

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To: [email protected]

A German bank robber sent mocking emails to local police, ridiculing their efforts to arrest him. First he let them know they had his age, build, and accent wrong. Then he corrected their announcement that he’d escaped on foot; no, he had a getaway car! The cops got the last word in, though, when they arrested the guy a few hours later. They used his email to trace him. Source: Reuters

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Woman behind barsPhoto: Shutterstock

She Went That Way, Then That Way, Then That Way, Then…

A woman in Somerset, Massachusetts, was arrested for breaking and entering. But she was quickly caught thanks to her ankle bracelet…the one fitted with a GPS system…that she had gotten from the police…for being on probation from an earlier breaking-and-entering case. Source: nbcbayarea.com

Check out 13 Things a Burglar Won’t Tell You.

Originally Published in Reader's Digest