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The 18 Funniest Things People Have Ever Said—While They Were Sleeping

"Mother! Fetch me my cape!"

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sleep talkingNicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstock

What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard someone say in their sleep?

Can you remember your last somniloquy? Chances are you didn’t deliver it onstage—if you did, the audience would demand their money back—but it was probably an unforgettable performance nonetheless.

Somniloquy” is the technical term for sleep talking, a harmless, unconscious behaviour that about five per cent of adults keep up regularly after childhood. With your mind deep in dreamland and your motor functions edging back into reality, sleep talking is one of those highly bizarre activities that you can do without having any recollection of it. That was certainly the case with these Reddit readers who shared the funniest, most unusual things they ever said (or heard someone else say) while sleep talking. Lucky for us all, there was someone else around to record them. Take it all in—and then tell us your answer.

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We’ll need to find a replacement…

My mum, after falling asleep on the couch: “We’ll need to find a replacement…”

Me: “For what?”

Mum: “Your sister” —Reddit user frankiedarlin

Don’t miss these funny work cartoons to get through the week.

3 / 19
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Set the burrito trap

My wife told me last month that while I was sleeping I said, “Set the burrito trap.”

She said she asked me what that was… I have no clue, but would like to know myself. —porkfatrules

These hilarious tweets will definitely make you grin!

4 / 19
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If you were a caterpillar…

My SO does this almost every night: “Baby… if you were a caterpillar…”

Me: “…Yeah?”

Her: “What… what would do you with all those legs?” —basemodel

Just try to read these work-friendly jokes with a straight face!

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I love you because…

I said to my fiancé in my sleep: “I love you because you have such long antennae.” —YodaPie

Check out these funny science jokes.

6 / 19
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The King of Kites

Once a friend told me that I went on in my sleep about how great Benjamin Franklin was, and referred to him as the “king of kites” more than once. —Shatakai

Breeze through the history of the world in 27 dumb jokes.

7 / 19
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Mother! Fetch me my cape!

My friend once yelled, “Mother! Fetch me my cape!” to his mother’s bemusement. —PneumaticPtarmigan

Don’t miss these hilariously awkward family portraits!

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I want pizza…

Just last week, my eight-year-old daughter rolls over in my bed where she’d fallen asleep and said, “mmmmm… I want pizza. (pause) And a beer.” I nearly fell out of bed laughing. —tanyagal2

Here are 50 bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.

9 / 19
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It’ll mess up your circuits

My mom told me I once said, “Don’t go to that party R2, they have spaghetti. It’ll mess up your circuits.” Honestly I have no idea. —KingMiguelMCID

10 / 19
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Clown School

My dad was coming out of surgery. Sat up, pointed at my mom and said, “after I get rid of her, I am going to clown school.” He then laid back down and went back to sleep. —danmanne

These hilarious math jokes might just help you ace your next algebra test.

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Plant pots

I once told my ex I had to push the plants deeper into the plant pots, while simultaneously pushing her out of bed with both hands. —Ninja_Guin

12 / 19
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All your wishes will come true

I once heard a friend say, “Just put it in the washing machine, and all your wishes will come true.” —RelentlessBlount

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Repeat bloomers?

My boyfriend, who is a horticulture major and works hybridizing roses, suddenly grabbed my arm in his sleep and said in a rather suggestive voice, “Sooo… are any of your seedlings repeat bloomers?” —Reddit User

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Gross

From my boyfriend: A really big exasperated sigh followed by “Pants with buttons. GROSS.” —cheshire_brat

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It’s just the light

My wife: “It’s OK honey, it’s just the light. You don’t really look like a girl” —lotsalotsacoffee

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If you paint it pink…

My ex talked in her sleep a lot. One time that really stands out, she said, “If you paint it pink, it’ll be worth more and last longer.” —electricballroom. 

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It’s so simple

Was travelling Australia with my girlfriend. She chuckled and said, “It’s so simple. We get the koalas to do the washing up.” —ashpow

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iTunes refrigerator

According to my friends, they had asked me a question not realizing that I was asleep and I responded with, “just put it in the iTunes refrigerator.” —VelocityRAPTOR33

Need the laughs to come fast? Check out these short jokes anyone can remember!

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Oh no!

My Dad: “Oh no! Burritoed!” —mandlebar

Next, fill your comic arsenal with these hilarious birthday jokes.

Originally Published on Reader's Digest