22 Secrets of a Shopping Mall Santa
Truth is, most shopping mall Santas aren’t like like the ones from “A Christmas Story.” (Thanks goodness!)
1. I Know How to Make Kids Smile
Never force your screaming kid onto my lap. Just bring him close and give me a few minutes. I’ve got plenty of tricks up my sleeve.
2. I Rush For a Reason
Some of us get bonuses for making our daily photo quota. So please forgive me if I try to move things along.
4. Hands Out
Wondering why both of my white-gloved hands are always where you can see them? Ask my lawyer.
5. My Wish-Granting Powers are Limited
I’m sorry grandma is in heaven or that mom and dad have split up. But even Santa can only do so much, so let’s just stick with what you’d like to unwrap on the big day.
(Photo: Jupiterimages/Polka Dot/Thinkstock)
7. Santa Academy Exists
As a matter of fact, I did go to school for this. Topics of study: how to hold children, manage sticky conversations, and care for my hair and beard.
8. Pay Attention
I don’t have total recall. Don’t come back after a few minutes and ask what your kid requested. Stand close enough to listen.
10. I Don’t Make Promises I Can’t Keep
I see you vigorously nodding your head, but even so, I will never, ever promise anything to a child.
11. Boys Get to the Point
They tend to give it to you straight: “I want a video game and a remote control car.” Little girls want to explain everything.
13. The Reward Outweighs the Negatives
I’ve been kicked in the shins, hit in the groin, scratched, bitten, and peed on. But there’s a reason I keep doing this year after year – This is the best work I’ve ever found.
14. I’m Not an Orthodontist, Either
Don’t ask me to tell your child why she needs to stop sucking her thumb.
15. Stop Ruining the Fun
I’ve noticed a lot of you have started telling your kids the truth about me a lot younger than you used to. Sometimes you spoil things before your child even asks the question, just because you’re worried he’ll hear it from someone else. Please stop.
20. Think Your Kid’s Request is Over-the-Top?
I’ve been asked for giraffes, pigs, and elephants, for visits from Carly Shay and Elmo, even for a cookbook for mom because she’s not a good cook.