13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Tell You

1. I spent a couple of decades being the leading lady; now I have a character role. It hurts to be downsized.
2. I know he's your husband now, but he's still my son.
3. You don't seem very confident about yourself. The littlest comment from me is taken as a criticism, so I'm very careful what I say around you.
4. Every year, I send you a birthday present, but you never even pick up the phone to thank me. This year, I said, “That's it. No more.” Yet look at me: I'm about to send another present. I guess that's how I am.
5. We mothers say to our children, “I want you to be happy.” And we mean that. What we don't say is, “But I would like to be happy too.”
6. I've bought and sold 13 houses in my life. Why won't you ask for my advice?
7. When I visit you, I'm not coming for a white-glove inspection. I'm just coming to see the family.
8. When I really want to talk to my son privately, I don't call your house. I call his cell phone.
9. I'm so happy that you allow my son-your husband-to visit me on Mother's Day. It's a long trip and a big expense. I'm truly appreciative.
10. My dirty little secret: I'm afraid that if I don't get this right, you'll cut me off.
11. I'm in competition with your mother. She takes you on vacations every year and buys things I can't afford. All I can do is love you and babysit for you. I hope that's enough and that it's appreciated.
12. Whenever I stay at your house, you always have my room ready, my towels, everything. You do all the right things. I'm lucky to have you!
13. I cherish the refrigerator magnet you gave me: “Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.”

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