As sports director at a local radio station, I was familiar with all the regular sponsors for my show. One day, however, an insurance company changed its ad, adding a lush instrumental sound track. As I listened, I was increasingly bothered by the ad without knowing why. Then it hit me. The music for the ad was “Killing Me Softly.”

I was working as a customer-service representative in a bank when a young man walked over and stared at me intently. “May I help you?” I inquired. “Not this minute,” he replied. “I'm just looking at your possibilities.” Blushing furiously, I said, “I beg your pardon?” Smiling, he pointed to a poster behind me advertising the latest accounts and current interest rates

My husband's boss keeps a close eye on employee expenses. One time, while going through my husband's receipts, the boss asked who he'd taken to lunch on Saturday. Puzzled, my husband asked for the restaurant's name on the bill. "Suds and Shine, $23,” she replied. "Oh,” he laughed. "That's where I took the company van to be washed.

When a co-worker opened his express checkout line at the supermarket where we work, his first customer bought a large bag of dog food. They soon discovered they were both proud rottweiler owners and launched into a discussion of the breed's virtues. When the next customer stepped up, he plopped a box of dishwasher detergent on the conveyor and deadpanned, "Mine's a Maytag!"

I am a prosecuting attorney in a small Mississippi town and will admit to having a few extra pounds on me. Not long ago, I was questioning a witness in an armed robbery case. I asked, "Would you describe the person you saw?" The witness replied, "He was kind of short and stout." "You mean short and stout like me?" I asked. "Oh, no," the witness said. "He wasn't that fat."

One hectic day at the hospital where I work, I was trying to take the medical history of a woman while being constantly interrupted. Flustered, instead of asking, "Are your parents alive or deceased?" I asked, "Are you alive or deceased?" She smiled and remarked, "I have got to start wearing more makeup!

A man came into the dry cleaner's where I work to pick up a pair of pants that he'd left two weeks before. He didn't have his ticket, and I couldn't find them. "Maybe you picked them up already," I suggested. "I hope my memory isn't that bad!" he replied, but said he'd go home and check. A minute later he was back, carrying the pants he had wanted cleaned. "I've been driving around with them in the car for two weeks!" he laughed. -

I am a school bus driver and like to chat with the children as we wait for everyone to board. On the last day of school before the holidays, I asked one seven-year-old boy if he had any plans for the break. "No," he replied. "I'm going to stay home and become a potato couch."

Our receptionist is terrific at ensuring employee's special events are marked with a greeting card, signed by staff. Most occasions are birthdays, but recently a sympathy card did the rounds when someone's father died. An employee was on his way out the door when he swiftly scrawled a message. "Here's to another one," he wrote blithely, "with many more to come!"

My husband came home one day and told me of an incident at work. His supervisor had put a bagel into the toaster and returned to his office. Minutes later the fire alarm went off, and everyone evacuated the building. Not long after the firefighters arrived, one came out with a burned bagel half in each hand. “Sorry, we couldn't save them,” he deadpanned. “I'm afraid your bagel is toast. "