1. Get Plugged In

Kelly Rowe, a mom of three from Oakville, Ont., joined Facebook this past April because her 12- and 13-year-old daughters use the site. “I find it is a great tool for me to get an insight into their lives outside the home, outside of our family and in their social circle,” she says.

To keep her kids safe, Rowe peruses her daughters’ “friends” list to make sure they know each of them offline, and she has asked them to remove “friends” they don’t know face to face. And, while Rowe doesn’t read every post on her daughters’ “wall” (message board), she does scan for inappropriate words.

Now, not every teen will want to meet up with mom on Facebook. Let’s be real. Teens usually think parents are highly uncool and many revel in their virtual privacy found online. If this is the case, child safety expert Samantha Wilson of www.kidproofcanada.com recommends that moms tells their children they want to see their home page and profile but that they’re going to give them 24 hours notice before they take a look.

“It’s going to force her [your daughter] to go through every page and every comment, making sure there is nothing on there that is inappropriate or potentially risky,” Wilson explains. Ask to check each month and pretty soon your child will be vetting her own web site.

Wilson also tells parents to make sure their child isn’t using a sexually explicit or gender-specific handle (user name). “Sexygirl28 is obviously not good because it invites different kinds of communication,” she says. And it’s important to set privacy controls so only friends can view your profile. It’s not just about predators, parents should be more concerned about bullying. Monitoring social networking sites must be looked upon as a parenting issue, and not one of technology, which is often used as an excuse for parents’ lack of involvement.

2. Speaking the Same Language

Becoming a Facebook user also makes it easier for parents to discuss the experience with their kids. “My daughter wrote on my wall, almost like an insult, but then she put JK (just kidding) and I was like what’s JK?” Rowe says. She admits her kids still laugh at her trying to master Facebook, but it’s also helped her to connect with them. 

For example, Rowe sends her daughters little virtual gifts that show she’s thinking of them, which they’re always excited to receive. “I sent a koala bear to one of my daughter’s and I sent my other daughter a star,” she says.

But continued vigilance is crucial. When one of her daughter’s grades started to drop, Rowe cut her off from Facebook at home until there was a noticeable improvement at school.

3. Facebook for Yourself

While you might follow your kids onto Facebook, you could discover you’re enjoying it for the same reasons they do: catching up with old friends. In fact, the percentage of Facebook users over age 35 in the U.S. increased by 98% (from 5,247 to 10,412) between May 2006 and May 2007, according to comScore Media Metrix.

Calgary mother-of-two Britt Raposo joined Facebook in March 2007 and connects with other moms through the Canadian Moms and Calgary Moms groups on the site. “Most of the topics on the groups are regarding our children, parenting challenges and fun stuff that we do as moms. It’s nice to know that I have a group or two to look to for support if I’m having a bad day,” she says. 

Both Raposo and Rowe have also re-connected with friends from high school who are now moms, as well. “We have more in common now than we did in high school,” Raposo says.

Writer Deena Waisberg resisted Facebook for ages, but was sucked into the vortex for the purpose of researching this story. She now spends too much time looking up her old friends, instead of working.